Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

I feel like I am caught in the middle…I really am not but that’s how I feel. I have a family member who is addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol. There is a young child in the home. This same family member just finished being from under CPS investigation and had to go to rehab. As soon as the case was closed, back to the substances. I understand that there is some depression and/or bipolar but this person is old enough to know how to find a professional for help.

The problem is this person does not know I am aware of what’s going on. Another family member told me. If I directly confront my relative it will be obvious who told me - that would create a mountain of turmoil. On the other hand, I feel like calling the old CPS worker but that might make matters worse. The child is not being mistreated as far as I can tell, it’s just the idea of this person being drunk/high around the child…KNOWING what’s at stake that burns me up!

It has been a minute since I’ve visited blogland. I started school this summer!

Working on a doctorate (in public administration, still working fulltime, and being a mom/wife has really kept me uber busy the past few months. But you know what? I am loving EVERY minute of it

I will be catching up with you guys over the weekend as I have missed your posts….

I am so peeved. My son’s school is having their annual end-of-school function. Although he is not graduating, his 2nd grade class is doing some play and insha’Allah my son will receive recognition for winning a Quran competition. Anyway, they sent home a note Tuesday letting us know that the function is this Friday between 5-8pm. Now…I will not even get into the fact that for a school of less than 200 kids, 3 hours is waaay too long on Friday. Masha’Allah, it’s for the kids and they really work hard for these things. However, there was a request directive, that “in order to keep the event serious and calm, no kids under 6 should come if they are not students of the school”…huh? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the sentiment behind the request, but huh? Of course I’m acting indign’t because I have a 3 year-old who will be there. I mean really! You’re a school for goodness sakes. Just make an announcement for parents to walk out for a bit if your kids gets too loud.

I went to public schools growing up and if you did as well you know that school functions can be trflin’ when parents bring loud screaming babies. Those w/ sense will usually walk out. I am just shocked that a principal will tell parents to leave younger kids home. I don’t know, like I said, I have a dime in this quarter so maybe I’m just taking this too personally.

The last time hubby and I had a date night, it was at p.fc.hangs. We challenged one another to see who could go the longest without bringing up our children. I believe I was able to go longer. If you read articles or books about how to add spice to your relationship by these pop psychologists and relationship “experts”, they will all say

have a date night and don’t mention or discuss your children…reconnect with each other…

I can definitely understand the sentiment behind statements like that. I was the loudest sistah in among my friends saying, “we were a couple BEFORE the kids”, and “insha’Allah we will be old, crusty, and alone when they leave us to start their own lives”!!

I’ve since had a change of view. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel it’s important to have a fulfilling relationship with your spouse and continue to learn about/from each other and grow together. However, I don’t think it’s ok to leave the kids at the door…even when you are on a “date”. I mean if your conversation naturally flows away from the topic of kids, fine. I just think we shouldn’t pressure ourselves to omit our children by thinking this will be what ignites our passions. Our children are a significant part of our lives and most of our movement and decisions are related to the children.

Think about it, if you are a parent, do talking about your kids to your bffs affect your friendship? I guess sometimes it may if the other person is not a parent or if you go on and on. But you see what I’m saying.

If you are trying to recapture a natural affection for your loved one, find commom ground…just like you did when you first met. After children enter your lives, THEY are your common ground…it’s unnatural to act otherwise.

My kids are planning and building a resistance movement right under my nose and I don’t think I can fight it! Mom’s all-time comeback of “cuz I said so” isn’t cutting it this time. My 7 year-old started it, but my almost 3 year-old seems to be the ring leader now. I can’t say I blame them but I’m the boss and I make the rules…right? I mean if I concede to their demands it will throw off the whole system won’t it?

Bedtime does not work for them anymore…not when they can still see rays of sun peeking through the blinds from their bed. Bedtime does not work for them if they can hear little Miguel ringing the bell on his bike up the block. Bedtime does not work for them anymore just because I tell them it is so.

Lately I have been feeling so consumed with everything except myself. I feel like I’ve been living just to maintaineveryday…ya know, make sure the kids are put together, house is clean, clothes are prepared for school, work stuff is straight, etc. My hair looks a hot mess, jilbabs (over garments) are wrinkled and tattered, pedicure needed, etc. I feel somewhat like I have not been living just kind of floating making sure the seams of my world are not frayed that I don’t have time for anything else. Hubby helps with cooking and folding clothes at times but I still feel like I’m carrying such a burden and neglecting myself. The problem is, if I had time, I feel I’ve lost of motivation to actually DO anything about it. I get out to Starbucks a few times a week when I get the kids down and am able to read a few pages of a book while drinking a bev…but that’s it. I don’t know. I am sure it’s cyclical depression but knowing the cause doesn’t make the feelings any less ya know?

Last week our family went camping during my son’s spring break. It was me and hubby and our 2 boys in one cabin and my sister and her 2 boys in the cabin next to ours. We had a blast! We went to Y.ogi’s Jelly.stone Park in Luray VA.

When we first thought of this trip, we were going to try tent camping. I am so glad we did not. I mean it works for some families but I know us. First of all, all of the bathroom/shower facilities are located in a comfort station…boo. My best friend did this w/ her family in NC and she had a blast. She said they just announced to the kids when bathroom times would be and that was that. Ummmm..k. This would not have been how my kids would carry it. The 2 year-old is potty training but my 7 year-old would have been asking to go every hour or so. I would have been a drain on my patience.

Our cabin was rustic with all modern conveniences. So how is this camping you ask? Ok so we had a kitchenette, tv and bathroom. BUT…we still gathered wood in the forest and built our own fires and roasted smores and stayed up late sipping cocoa at the fire. We went fishing and all the rest. The camp ground is also a resort of sorts so the boys had laser tag in the woods and we went paddle boating and mini golfing. It was really nice masha’Allah. My husband was initially skeptical about us going because he is never sure how people will treat me as a muslimah..besides his beard, no one would necessarily know he or my kids are muslim. I am never scared of that for some reason, I feel comfortable going pretty much anywhere (except 2 weeks ago in Suffolk VA during a rain storm when I had to pull over when my wipers broke into someone’s driveway and saw huge confederate flags and paraphenalia all over the property…’nother story).

I must say, people could not have been nicer. I mean this hardcore looking biker guy took a lot of time helping us hook our fishing rod. I think my naturally bubbly personality (ha ha) disarms that initial reluctance. Insha’Allah we plan to go back.

It’s been a minute. I didn’t realize it had been so long! Life has just taken the lead… Here are some random things that come to mind:

-My 2 year-old thinks EVERY black male with a tie is Bara.k Obam.a. We will be on line at Target and he will ask, “ru barak obaaaaammaaa huh are you are you”?

- My 6 year-old just made white belt. I am so proud of him.

-fac.e.book has finally wrapped it’s tenacles around me…and this is so high school but, if we were not friends or even had beef in school, please don’t friend request me..uughhh I do not forget. I find human behavior so interesting, you can see how this vehicle is giving people a 2nd chance to be part of “in-crowd”. Really weird.

-hgtv has REALLY sucked me in. I am so pressed now that we own a home that I am actually planning to construct a pond in my backyard next year….no, if you saw our yard and house you would really give me the **side-eye**

-With the nice weather this weekend, you’da thought we were actually ON the equator based on the less is more dress code around town.

- We are planning to go camping next month insha’Allah…in cabins not tents! I am actually looking forward to it. My sister is planning to come with her boys.

What’s new w/ you guys?…never mind, I’ll see for myself

My 6-year told me I should have a 3rd child so someone else can scratch my back for a change! I am about to put him O-U-T!!!

I mean, who does this kid think he is? After the miracle of childbirth and that whole unconditional love thing, doesn’t he know that resident back scratcher, remote finder, and cup reacher are THE #1 reasons that he even lives with me????

I need to take him out of that fancy private school….what ideas they must be putting in his head.

Friday night I was driving from my kid sister’s house in SoufEast DC. I was enjoying the fact that the kids were spending the night and I could go to S.tarbucks and just have a night of peace and quiet. I’m driving along Minnesota Ave. and out of nowhere loud police sirens and lights are on my tail! I quickly move to the side to let the car go past only to see that they were in pursuit of me. I sit there trying to figure out what I did..run a light, speed, etc?? No, not that I could recall. I honestly hadn’t driven long enough to gain any real momentum.

Anyway, while Officer Friendly is telling why I was pulled over, his sidekick is highbeaming a flashlight through the passenger side window… Why did they pull me over??? Oh, but wait, along with that car, ANOTHER cop car pulls behind that one! So I have two cop cars with flashing lights and about 4 cops on the scene.

I had a headlight out. No really, that was it. I have fog lights at the bottom that were on, plus the right head light. Anyway ok, I guess technically that’s probable cause. I hand over my documents while they go back to run my info….it took a loooooong time. I know that they checked if I had a criminal record, outstanding warrants, unpaid tickets or overdue library books in all 50 states, Antiqua and El Salvador !

He came back to say that I wasn’t getting a ticket or anything just a warning and some extra paperwork for him. He was nice with an undercurrent of pissed that he wasn’t going to be able to use that new choke hold technique he learned earlier that week. How did my evening end you ask?

Well, after being gawked at by the fine residents of the Pennsylvania and Minnesota Ave. corridor while sitting in my vehicle, I am sad to say that I did not make it back to VA in time to enjoy a chai latte at my neighborhood Star.bucks. Instead I enjoyed settled for flavored coffee from the new line of Mc.Donald’s hot cafe beverages…it actually wasn’t that bad. But enjoying my new book under the harsh florescent asphalt lot of Mi.ckey Ds can’t possibly compare to sitting in a soft winged back chair at my Starb.ucks.