Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

I often have days when I just want to lay down…for awhile. No, not that kind of lay down for a while. I mean just get in bed and stay there. Maybe get up to pee or snack on cold pizza. Since I’m chronically dysthymic, I’ve long since accepted this about myself. What pisses me off now is that I can’t indulge in it.

Before I was married and had a child, I could call in sick, “check-out” from friends or family for a few days and just stay home and veg out. I could just wallow in my 2 days of depression. Ya know, smoke cigs, eat whateva, listen to some really emotion-erupting music… In other words, just do nothing but be sad and alone. I liked that…get it out of my system and move on.

This is me now

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE where I am in my life right now. I’m grateful that I live a healthier, more spiritually rewarding existence. But I can’t stay down for too long anymore b/c my 3 year-old won’t hear of it and my husband doesn’t really get it all the way… so I’m stuck. Sometimes I’ll leave work early just so I can schlep around the house, eat and lay down before I pick baby boy up at 6 and hubby comes home at 7. That was helping but now my step-daughter is living with us so she’s home from school at 3:30 and cramps my wallowing style.

So, I’ve taken to fantasizing that one day in the midst of our evening household activities, I’ll just stop talking. I mean, if anyone asks me a question, I’ll look like this. Really. In my fantasy, my husband will get nervous and start to believe that something is really wrong with me. He will finally take me to St. E’s or Bellevue and I can just be there indefinitely. But alas, it’s only a fantasy. I would really miss my baby!

So now, here I am 33 years old. Back in the day, I had to fight for my right to paaarrrrr-tay, then fight for my right to be acknowledged by…everyone (at least I thought), then fight for my right to be…well anyway, you see where I’m going with this (I really want to say I had to fight my daddy, fight my brothers … a la Sophia, but that’s not true:).

Ironically, in order to stay sane and functional at this point in my life, I actually have to fight for the right to be insane when I need to be!

I’ve mentioned my little nephews before. I love them to death. They are so loveable and smart. However, that’s not their only side. They spent the night a few days ago so my kid sister could work the late shift on her job.

Everyone is congregated in the kitchen just talking and stuff when I notice that my 7 year-old nephew is singing. Now if you remember, I am muslim and not up on a lot of the latest tunes. I wasn’t sure if he was singing a “real” song or something he created.

An aside…remember, I converted to Islam several years ago and aside from a few isolated family members, I am the only muslim in my immediate family. My family was brought up Baptist.

Now, with that being said, I began to make out what my cutiepie of a nephew was saying. Maybe you guys can recognize what this song is: (more…)

I can’t be in 2 places at one time…not possible. I was cooking dinner last night while step-daughter did her chore of cleaning upstairs bathroom. Because her little brother (my son) gets on her last nerve, she decided to close the bathroom door to keep him out of her way. HOWEVER, she left various cleaning supplies outside of the bathroom in the hallway. Y’all know where I’m going with this right?

My boy…so, he comes to me in the kitchen to say he needs to use the bathroom (I got yous thee bafroom). Ok, well your sister is cleaning yours so go to the one in my room. “OK mommy”, he says.

Maybe 10 minutes later I hear my step-daughter yell down to me, “Safaaaaaaa”. **SIGH** What could she possibly want I wonder.He has Ajax all over his body and all over his room. Call CFS on me but because I knew this was gonna be a CHORE, I ignored her for an additional 10 minutes so I could finish cooking dinner.

I go upstairs. She didn’t exaggerate. The smell was so strong. He had Ajax on his bed, all over the floor, his arm chair, the Lego table (in the nooks/crannies), his chalk board/easel thingy, his Little Tykes slide hut…and all over his head and all over his clothes and in between his toes!. Some of the Ajax that was on the floor and his chair was wet. Boy was I glad dinner was finished.

It took forever but I got him and his room clean. I asked him why he did this. I didn’t spank him since this was his first offense and I guess he should have been supervised. I explained why that wasn’t a good idea. He thought the Ajaz could be used on his carpet as freshner…why was my baby about to vaccuum his room? I was all sweaty and Ajaxy when I finished. You can still see remnants of the stuff!

But, really….could you stay mad at a face like this?

The green one is embedded inside my big toe on my left foot …ouch!

Well, not the whole toothpick but enough so that I am in just enough anguish to want to go to the ER but not enough that I couldn’t still write this at work:) It’s my lunch hour ok!

Yesterday I came in the house and immediately felt an awful rush of pain permeate my entire body. I stepped on a green toothpick…a remnant of my son’s play date I referenced a few posts down.

It’s on the side of my big toe and you can see the green of the toothpick under my skin. I know TMI..so what! My husband tried to get it out with nail clippers and other instruments and I made him stop b/c I was reduced to tears (in front of my 10 year old step-daughter and her nosy friends…who btw all crowded around to look at my ashy shin and feet and ‘pedicure been too long’ toes).

He got frustrated and suggested I leave it alone for a few days and see if it comes out on it’s own. See, it’s not sticking out. It’s lodged length-wise into my toe. Hubby tried to dig a burrow alongside the toothpick but I screamed and hit him!

Anyway, I have this throbbing pain in my toe and I may go to the ER. Can I survive with 1/6th of a green stick in my toe?…can’t the green dye seep into my bloodstream? I am so torn.

But, as a co-worker has said (too many times about too many things), “at least you’re not in New Orleans”. True indeed. But I do wish he’d shut-up already. This guy…if he overhears you say, “my hotdog needs more ketchup’, he replies, “well at least your not in New Orleans”.

I was so impressed when I came home this evening to find that my husband took the initiative to bathe our kitten. He looked so fluffy and smelled so fresh and so clean/clean.

Now, I know we didn’t buy any pet shampoo. We’ve only had the kitten about 6 weeks. So I asked my step-daughter what her dad used to bathe the cat. Hmmm, he didn’t use the Herbal Essence Shampoo (which hubby uses as a body wash), nor the Green Tea/Cucumber Dove Bar, he didn’t even use our son’s Johnson’s Baby Shampoo. What did he use?

Ajax Orange Antibacterial Dish Washing Liquid!!!!! WHY?????

My first visual image was that the kitten was laid back in the tub like Diahann Carroll was in the movie Claudine with her bottle of Joy Dishwashing Liquid sitting on the edge of the tub! This was her date’s idea of a soothing bubble bath.

I guess he’ll be ok. He doesn’t look any worse for wear. But, I still have to ask …WHY?????