Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

As some of you know, I am expecting baby #2 in late spring God-willing. I told my husband that we should not tell my son until I am visibly showing and he noticed. My rationale? My son is only 3 and I feared that if he knew too soon I would have to answer daily questions like, where’s the baby?, when’s the baby coming?, etc for the next 5-6 months. Also, I haven’t taken the course on answering honestly for the toddler without being too graphic.

So of course my husband tells him, “your mommy has a baby in her stomach”!! I mean no sooner than I told him to wait (and he seemed to agree). I sat at the table flabbergasted. Initially, and for the first week or so, my son just grinned shyly when my husband mentioned it. Now for the clear thinking adult, after the boy gave no significant response, a clear thinking adult would’ve just left it alone. I believe that my son would have forgotten the whole comment after that first day. But noooooo, my husband drilled it into him EVERDAY with comments/questions like, “do you want a brother or a sister”?, “who has a baby in her stomach”?, “mommy doesn’t feel well because your baby brother or sister is in mommy’s stomach”.

So, I’ve been so anxious because I am just waiting for my boy to come at me with the tough questions. Last night we were in the midst of our nighttime routine. My oh-so-smart boy starts questioning me about my pregnancy. He starts by asking if the baby has a heart-beep. I answer that with no problem. I had to explain that the heart-beep is not where mine is but lower in my abdomen. He seems to accept that just fine. He then asks if the baby will have milk-milk (read breast-feed like he did). Again, I answer that with no problem. I even tell him that I will take him to my next appt so he too can hear the heart-beep (btw…I know it’s heart-beat but this is my son’s translation). Finally, he asks me how the baby will come out of my stomach. Now this is the million dollar question that I didn’t want to answer just yet. All I could think to say was that daddy, you and the doctor will help me get the baby out when it’s time. As soon as the word “doctor” came out of my mouth I regretted it. The last thing I wanted to do was make my toddler think I am sick. He looked at me in a weird sorta way. He tilted his head to one side and gave me this really troubled look. I imagined him formulating all of these visual images in his little head as I tried to formulate my own damage control response. He tilted his head to the other side and his mouth formed this contorted shape. Then he farted and ran away laughing.

Pheww, I still have time to attend that course!

I ask this because a few events and conversations among friends and family compelled me to pose this to a wider audience. I am sure that most of you have had conversations with friends about some weird name you heard a parent call a child before. Believe me, I’ve heard my share as well. Last year I met a little 8 year - old boy named JODECI!!! For those of you who may not be familiar, Jodeci is the name of a ’90s R&B boy group. Why do parents set their kids up this way? Of course, I know we’ve all heard our share of the old standards like Lexus, Diante’, Destiny, Chenequa, Martez, Marquise, Kristal, Devonte’, you fill in the rest. However, on the flip side…

I have a friend who actually named her son Lester! I can’t imagine this now 10 year-old walking around in 2005 with a name like Lester. What also annoys me is parents who give their children ordinary names but want to jazz it up with an extraordinary spelling; for instance, Jacqui, Jazmyne, Mykel, Dayvid, you fill in the rest. You may be wondering why this is on my mind - I know you could not care less why this is on my mind but I have to segway some kind of way…

My linesister just had baby number four a few days ago. Now, when we pledged back in 1992, it was obvious that this girl was born ready to be a housewife and enthusiastic mommy. She and her hubby are what some may call bougie (don’t like that description really)…she refers to herself as BAP (black american princess). You’ll see why this is important when you read further. Well, let me first say that she has always said that when she had a baby, they were going to name it something that did not indicate a particular race/ethnicity if it were read on a resume - you know, so they couldn’t be discriminated against….ok whateva. Don’t get me wrong, I can see her point of view b/c I can’t picture a future Supreme Court Justice named Rakwon Jenkins. Anyway, baby #1 is a boy they named Shane Jr. The rest are girls and named Blayke, Evyne (read Evan) and Micheale (read Michael). I’ll leave it at that. Cute names though right?

Then there are parents who give their children names that do not fit AT ALL. For instance, my own kid sister. Her middle name is Suzanne!!. On paper, her full name indicates a girl from the midwest, not Harlem. If you saw my sister, you’d laugh out loud. I’ve met some real gritty, ghetto, rough and ashy little boys named Thurston and Avery as well as girls named Ashly, Arianna, Bianca, etc. I am NOT saying that certain groups of people should have certain names, I am just always fascinated by how people choose their kids’ names.

Now this same sister is expecting her 1st baby in a few months. My other sister was given the honor of naming this baby since she named her son four years ago. My sister called to tell me what she was naming this baby and I wanted to scream, “can we please break the chain”. Baby sis wanted a name that had part of my deceased sister’s name in it (Taneesha) which is sweet. So, my other sister has decided to name this baby (drumroll please…dun, dun, dah dah) Kyneesha…thank you very much…NUFF SAID.

I am guilty of the contemporary trend as well. My dream girl names are Peyton, Baily and Cagney. Dream boy names - Keegan, Maceo, Kenyatta, and some that are too embarrasing to print…alas, these are only dreams b/c my husband ain’t goin for it!

Finally, I can’t stand when people judge you by your name (like this post has been dedicated to doing:). You all know by now that I’m a muslim convert. So, I’ve learned a lot of Islamically-based names that have beautiful meanings. I named my cat a name that in Arabic means Lion. We decided on this b/c when we got him as a kitten, he was the tiniest thing but my son thought he was a lion! I thought it too obvious to name him Simba or Lion so….let’s just say that when I make a vet appointment I hear silence on the other end after they hear his name. When people who don’t know the meaning hear his name, they give me the strangest look…including Kyneesha’s mom and aunt 2b! His name is (drumroll please….) Usama. What’s in a name indeed?????