Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

I had my ultrasound done last week. I decided, and hubby agreed, that this time around will be a suprise. I want that feeling of the doctor midwife holding up the baby and saying “it’s a bouncing baby ______”.

We found out with my son and it was great. I got to shop and decorate his nursery well in advance. This time, I just want to enjoy the pregnancy, have fun picking out a bunch of boy/girl names and be suprised.

I did have the technician write the gender on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope. A family friend wants to get it so she and her husband can perhaps shop for more gender specific items. I have the envelope in my briefcase but I think I won’t reveal it to anyone! I am not even tempted to peek at the paper:).

For the parents out there, did you find out? Would you be able to not look at the answer if you were carrying it around all day in your bag?????

Before I get into my TV drama, just some quick updates: Pregnancy is coming along fine. Although I have my ultrasound next week, we are still resolved to not find out the sex of the baby. I haven’t posted in a minute b/c this pregnancy is wearing me OUT. My 1st pregnancy was not this exhausting (but I am almost 4 years older). Also, my computer was infected w/ some funky sp.ywa.re that I need to take care of…so I am not at my home computer. My son went with me to my last birth center visit to hear the “heart-beep” and he was so thrilled. The midwife let him pump the blood pressure pump and he was allowed to hold and turn on the Doppler machine to hear the heart-beat. I definitely need to let you guys know about this birth center experience at a future date. I will tell you that I am NOT looking forward to being released THREE HOURS after the baby comes. We may even opt for a home birth…probably not though. Anyway…

Television. Let me start by saying that I grew up attached to TV. I am soon to be 34 and truly am a child of the late ’70s and early ’80s. Additionally, I am addicted to classic movies, indie films, and EVERYTHING in between. I am still a TV Land fanatic. Over the last year I usually watch HGTV. Anyway, let’s just say that I am a TV-phile.

When my husband and I were expecting our 1st child, we decided that he would be raised differently than we were. He would not be addicted to the idiot box. Also, since we weren’t raised Muslim, the value systems were a lot different…well maybe not the value systems but at least family practices. We were gonna raise a child that couldn’t sing along to every commercial, or quote dialogue from every show (my sister, now 26 could quote the whole movie The Color Purple when she was 6…still holds the record too). Plus, we agreed that there wasn’t really anything worthwhile or of benefit on TV that we couldn’t give our beloved with love, attention, books, and exposure to natural entertainment….plan didn’t go quite as expected.

We never watched a lot of TV. My son did become “addicted” to Nog.gin…which he was only allowed to watch on weekends. I only watched TV after son and hubby was asleep and hubby only watched when I wasn’t home. It was like a dirty little secret. We all knew that we watched but never together (sometimes we did though). Anyway, one day my husband called my son to recite some Quran…at 3 he knows several chapters in arabic…and his recitation is so cute! Anyway, my husband wanted some religious study time with the boy. Unfortunately, he was watching Maisy. Apparently my husband stood next to my son for 3 minutes calling him and (as hubby says), baby boy appeared to by hypnotized by the boob-tube. That was the last straw. My husband was like, “I am not raising some kid that get’s this transfixed on some dumb tv show…..”. I don’t disagree but I do feel that not all tv is bad. I guess the problem is that there is so much out there that is bad that it outweighs the good. Being muslim, we are a little more restricted in what we should/shouldn’t lay our eyes on. Men and women should lower our gaze infront of naked or scantily clad people, we should protect our ears from filthy speech, etc….this is difficult to do for the commercials - let alone the actual shows. So, he unplugged the TV (only one and in the basement) and put it under the stairs. I was relieved b/c at first he was gonna put it out back in the shed. Of course I was disturbed b/c I needed to watch my classic TV at night and everything else I watch while channel surfing. But we got used to it. This was 2 months ago. My son was happy to be able to get No.ggin on the computer and I started to read more…

My husband went on Hajj last month (he’s due to return this weekend God-willing). Y’all, he left on December 25th. By this time the TV has been unplugged for about a month (cable still on though). On the 26th I start itching…literally. I can just watch Boston Public or CNN….isn’t there a Twilight Zone marathon or something on? I put my son to sleep and the step-girls were in bed (they still get to watch tv on weekends at their mom’s house). I ease down to the basement and lugged that 27″ tv across the room to the entertainment center. Keep in mind that I’m pregnant so this is a little risky. It took ten minutes of me hoisting, anchoring, etc. I finally, get it connected and was so happy at the thought of watching a show after almost a month. I notice that the cable box is slipping off of the tv so I decide to pull the cord a little to give it some leeway. I pull the cord out of the TV. I suck my teeth and get on my knees in order to screw the cord back into the cable thingy on the television. After several minutes of no sucess, I turn the set around to try looking instead of just feeling my way around. I was mortified to see that I had actually severed the whole cable piece from out of TV set. You know, the thing that comes connected to the TV? I yanked it OUT of the TV.!!!!!!! So, the TV is broken. I had to lug the TV back under the stairs (took 20 minutes this time in between the tears). I haven’t told my husband yet but he’ll figure it out soon enough. That’s what my butt gets for trying to be slick…God told me!

I still miss TV though. I went to the bank this morning and the teller had to call me twice before I “heard” him and turned away from Headl.ine News. My son is ok, he gets to go online and play his games. I just wait until we visit family in order to get my fix. I guess my husband and I are just trying to be responsible parents…y’all know we luh the kids:)

Woe is me. Before my husband went on travel, I was dreading having to take care of everything around the house. He’ll be gone for almost a month and, well, garbage…cat care, etc…not looking forward to it. Since I’m preggers I don’t deal with the cat at all. However, with hubby out of the country and my step-girls with their mother on weekends and breaks…

Well, anyway, a family friend invited my son to her house to spend the night. She lives right up the street and her granddaugter (also 3) is there. Although he has only spent one night in his entire life away from me, I said OK…real fast. I pictured it…me all alone at home, all day. See, I’ve taken a few days off from work this week..well I’ve elected to “work from home”. Girls are with their mother and one night away from son during the week. Puh-leeze! He was sooooo excited and had been asking to sleep over there for months. This was Thursday morning (did I mention she is his daycare provider and basically offered to keep him the regular day on Thursday, overnight, and I wouldn’t have to pick him up until my regular after-work time on Friday?). Fast-forward to Thursday night… First off, I’d steeled myself for the fact that he probably would be whiny and asking me to come get him. So although this was a dream come true, I expected and prepared for the inevitable. Ok, fast-forward now…

I called over there to see how he was doing since I didn’t pick him up at 6. He was so animated and took forever to get to the phone. He said he had a good day and was playing with Yasmeen. I reminded him that he was having a sleep-over and he said (in an annoyed, preoccupied kinda way), “I know mommy you packed my bag”. So I asked him if he still wanted to stay over there and he said yes. We exchanged ” I love yous” and before I could say anything else….he said he wanted to hang up now. I said ok and was about to say bye when I heard “clickum”…he was gone and I was all alone…….crickets…..crickets…..and more crickets.

Since hubby got rid of our t.v. (a whole other blog), I was wandering around the house like a confused dummy. I went to Borders and purchased a few books (Stephen King’s The Long Walk, Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone and a couple by Bernice McFadden). I read all night and was grateful that I didn’t have to go through the nighttime routine for my son…or wake up to put him on the toilet. At bedtime I smiled at the thought of actually sleeping through the night.

The first sign of trouble was when I put his night light on even though he wasn’t there. I can’t remember what I told myself to justify this. Wow, it’s 1:30am and I can sleep until 10 and STILL have my whole day to myself.

Reality of my night/day of nirvana? I woke frequently through-out the night, woke at 8, lay around all day reading (which was cool), and eating like crazy (not so cool). Most of all, I wondered why the phone never rung with 1. Son asking to come home 2. Them asking me to pick him up cause he peed the bed and wanted to go home 3. him saying i love and miss you.

When I finally picked him up at 6pm, I thought he would fly in my arms and shower with me kisses and hugs. He was happy, hugged and kissed me…but returned to playing and didn’t want to put on his shoes and coat. When I had the feeling I was about to turn into a jilted lover begging for one more chance, my friend says, “he JUST asked about you, he missed you and wanted to know when you were coming to get him”. Yeah, yeah.

Oh well, I always complain about needing time to myself and look what I do when I get it???? Man, I didn’t even remember to install the chandelier to swing from!!!