DO YOU SHOWER WITH THAT ON YOUR HEAD?
Yes, this is an actual question I was asked when I became muslim almost 6 years ago. I was laughing and remembering some of the funny things people said and asked over these years. Funny, because people are really stupid. I understand that people are curious but some things are just idiotic to ask someone.
I was born and raised in Spanish Harlem (New York City). When my best friend and I met on our very first day of college at Syracuse University in August of 1990, she pegged me as a straight-up Harlem B-Girl (big shell earrings and Gucci bag and all). I mention this to illustrate the fact that I wasn’t raised to be what most consider the personality type of a muslim woman…..not Nation of Islam/Farakhan follower but a bona fide traditional Sunni Muslim (like you see “portrayed” on CNN and the like).
When I first converted, I was an elementary school teacher. One year I wasn’t muslim and the next I was. You would think the kids had a hard time adjusting or asked offensive questions…NOT. It was the adults. The guidance counselor asked me (during a staff luncheon) if I wore underwear under my robe (not a robe…called a jilbab and it’s a dress that’s an overgarment you wear over your regular clothes). Someone actually gave her a degree in social work? Geesh.
Another co-worker asked if my husband ever got to “see me”? Again, how on earth would I have a child????…I guess the “glory hole” method Ughhhhh.
Oh. One that cracks me up to this day. One of my then 4th graders overhead me talking about my impending nuptials back in 2000. He asked me, “are you getting married?”. I didn’t want him all in my business so I answered, “no”. He replied, “You ain’t never gonna get married walkin’ around with that thing on your head!” LOL. That was so funny!. There are many more silly questions like that but I don’t see them as offensive or obnoxious. Actually, I guess I need to realize that some people may never get to meet a muslim who actually covers and practices. So they may be geniunely ignorant of certain things. Now, to the offensive ones.
I was chit-chating with a co-worker last year and bragging on my then 2 and a half year-old. I mentioned that he was able to say small phrases in arabic (I was gonna tell her phrases like ‘thank you’, ‘you’re welcome’, etc but didn’t get the chance) and she replied, “Phrases, like what, I’ma blo.w up that building”!!!!! Yes she did. Mind you, she is a middle-aged psychologist. I tore into her and she apologized and said she assumed that I knew she was joking. I reported the incident to my boss and they handled it to their satisfaction. Anyway, today she still feels like we are buddies and will come to my office to chit-chat! People just don’t get it.
Right after 9/11 another co-worker asked me “Yo, what’s up with your boy Osama”….he thought he was being funny. I wasn’t as offended as the earlier incident. I just laughed and asked him when was the last time he thought I traveled overseas!”. The problem is that I’m too “cool”. They get a kick out of this NY accented black chick that seems hip and cool (some designer bags, jewelry, fly shoes, etc) wearing islamic garb.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I were laughing about this and came to the conclusion that for the most part, people are cool once they see you are a regular person and not a mute “stepford” type wife or subjigated oppressed female. Now I do have beliefs that may seem strange or extreme but I went through so many different stages of “discovery” in my life I know when I am “on to something”. I was a Buddist in college (as well as a black-revolutionary) and some more stuff. This makes sense to me. You can ask me anything about Islam if you bring it respectfully. I am not a scholar but I try to answer to the best of my ability.
Oh, I forgot…a female co-worker walked into the bathroom as I removed my hijab (scarf) to tighten my scruncii). She gasped and was like…My God I thought you were bald under there! Your hair is long and pretty! She was ghetto from the start but geesh.
Finally, I do not wear the face veil very often. I don’t wear it to work. Actually I only wear it when I am going to the mosque or other Muslim/Islamic event. See, I don’t need all of those fine muslim men looking in my face:)….non-muslim men rarely give me a second glance (don’t get it twisted though…there are some freaks that find ANYTHING to get excited about on a nearly covered female…like fingers, eye brows, etc). I just like the pic 
those answers to those questions are kinda exactly what I imagined stupid folks saying to you…your answers are so reflective of your personality…I must say..I admire your strength…when I was a Hebrew…people asked weird questions too…I probably wasn’t as nice when I answered them….
Comment by DJ Diva — March 2, 2006 @ 9:29p
I cannot imagine asking any of those questions to anyone!! It seems crazy to me that people feel comfortable asking crazy questions. To be honest, I did not know you were muslim when I first came to your blog, and once I discovered it, it made no difference. You are a good writer that captivates an audience. And a Mommy, I like to read about other Mommys!
chelle
THANKS! WHEN I FIRST THOUGHT ABOUT DOING A BLOG I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO MENTION IT. THEN I FIGURED THAT MADE NO SENSE SINCE IT IS A MAJOR PART OF WHO I AM.
Comment by chelle — March 3, 2006 @ 4:33p
wel li’ll go for this one too. i have a cousin that is a muslim up in NY. i think he lives in Utica. but i don’t talk to him much cause he is bad with email. but the last time i saw him he was like on this kick where he just had to talk about Farakkahn (sp) and all that. i listened but i wasn’t really listening. hes cool but he doesn’t talk about anything else.
yeah people ask dumb questions when they don’t understand something. you would think that would be the time to ask something intelligent instead of showing their ignorance.
Comment by Koolbreeze — March 3, 2006 @ 4:35p
Safa the questions you describe are beyond incomprehensibly ignorant. More shocking than the fact that someone would be rude enough to ask such things, is the fact that such “questions” would even occur to anyone with even half of their brain cells functioning! I will admit that I am very curious to learn new things especially about cultures, lifestyles, religions, etc which I know little about. However, decorum so to speak is always appropriate, and taking the time to think before speaking would probably eliminate more than 75% of the stupidity you have dealt with. One of the questions I often ask is how to correctly pronounce common words/terms from other cultures as I think it is inexcusable to mispronounce a word when you have available a source who could teach you how to say it correctly. It really drives me nuts when someone mispronounces words after hearing it spoken over and over again. In my opinion, this is almost as bad as continually mispronouncing someone’s name even after they have corrected you repeatedly. People like this should be forced to live alone as hermits!
Comment by Sharon — March 3, 2006 @ 6:18p
I think its cool your so “cool” with how ignorant people are - does that make sense? lol It amazes me how down right dumb some people can be and I have come to the conclusion that they speak before they think. If they were to actually think before they spoke they wouldn’t say such idiotic things.
Comment by Rhonda — March 3, 2006 @ 4:06p
It amazes me to learn that these people are still alive. Where, oh where, has Darwinism gone? Shouldn’t stupidity have killed these people off by now? (Oh - I sound like my husband!)
Granted, Osama and his folks have not done much for the world view of the Muslim but do people really think Muslims are all like that? People don’t ask devout Catholics crazy questions. Frankly, I don’t care if you’re Muslim, Sikh, atheist, black, white or green. You’re cool!
THANKS NICOLE. YOU HAVE THE PERFECT VIEW….SEE THE PERSON FIRST THEN FORM YOUR OPINIONS AROUND THAT!
Comment by Nicole — March 3, 2006 @ 4:52p
This is my first time venturing to your blog. I enjoyed this post b/c I could not quit laughing at the silly questions. Good post!
Comment by Serenity23 — March 4, 2006 @ 12:53p
i’m so glad you blogged about this. I found the whole thing so interesting. Are you black or spanish? How did you find that Muslim was the answer for you being that you tried other things? Had you met your husband first then converted or the other way around. See I’m just full of questions too. It’s very important that you continue to blog and inform us about being Muslim. Thanks for doing so.
Myrah
Hi Myrah. I am black. Discovering that Islam was right for me was a matter of finally listening to what made sense and felt natural…regardless of how “strange” or foreign some of the dictates seemed to me as a supposed “civilized, modern and liberated woman”. That’s the short answer. I became Muslim before I met my husband. However, I became Muslim, met him 2 months later and married him 2 months after that! We are pushing up on year 6 this August!!!…we were never alone before marriage and he never even saw my hair until our wedding night!…strange for me having been “single and ready to mingle” type female before becoming Muslim:)
Comment by myrah — March 4, 2006 @ 4:36p
I loved this post. I think this was great, informationally for those who always have the same burning question - but I also loved the class you exude in explaining. Thanks for stopping by, **RPM**
Comment by **RPM** — March 9, 2006 @ 2:25p