Behind the Times?
I didn’t think so but lately several run-ins with other moms and/or their children have me wondering. Well, let me start off by saying that when I was growing up, we never called adults by their first names. I still believe in this. I cringe everytime I hear a child call an adult by their first name. If you think it’s too formal to say “Miss Shirley” then say “Aunt Shirley”. Also, when we were kids (at least in my family) we weren’t allowed to say “lie“, “he/she lied“, or “you are lying“. We had to say “fibbing” or storytelling. I am following this rule in my house…of course reminding my stepdaughters all of the time. Again, kids were not allowed to be in on “grown folks” business. I get so po’ed at my husband b/c he will let his children sit in the living room while we discuss (or he attempts to discuss) things like taxes, salary, family business, etc. I never knew either of my parent’s salaries growing up! I am using my step-girls as examples b/c they are representations of youth…not bashing:) Anyway, one is 11 and the other 16. Recently their mom had an argument (via voice mail) with my sister in-law and she let the 16 year-old hear the message her aunt left!!!!! It was vulgar. My stepdaughter came over and reported it to me and my husband. Again, grown folks business! The 11 year-old chimes in on our conversations and before my husband can answer, I cut her off and remind her that, this is grown folks business and please excuse yourself”. I think this is one of the reasons that kids are so grown and back-talky nowadays. OK, so now that you see where I’m coming from:
The other day I had the 6year-old daughter of a friend of mine with me. As we were driving, we saw a teenager who was gothed/punked out. She says, “ooh look Safa, he’s wearing lipstick and when me and my mommy saw a boy like that before she said he looked like a faggo.t teehee”. WHAT????? So inappropriate.
My neighbor has a job that requires she use a gun. Her 11 year old daughter was over our house playing with my stepgirl when she knocks on the door. She explains that something happened at work and she was called in - would it be ok if her daughter stayed at our house. Before she leaves, she calls her daughter to the door and asks, “have you seen my pistol?”. WHAT???? Not only grown folks business but dangerous and irresponsible.
My 16 year-old stepdaughter helped her mom’s friend move. She tells me, “her apartment is awful, she must have bad credit”. First of all, none of my business and secondly, you’re 16 and live at home.
I called my girlfriend and her 12 year-old answers the phone (sweet girl btw). I ask if her mom is home. She replies, “yeah, hold up”. WHAT???? What ever happened to deference to adults and knowing your place?
Oh, here’ s what took the cake. Again, my 16 year-old stepdaughter tells me, “you know grandma had an abortion when she was younger”. She says this to me and her dad. My husband is like, “yeah, I think she told me that before (this is his mother mind you)”. I just about fell out!!!!
Keep in mind that I am younger than all of the adults spoken of in the post…except for the mother of the 6 year-old.
WOW! That is all I can say. In my house I think the word I used the most is disrepect. I am very big on this. Of all things my children know or dont know - they know what being disrespectful is and I think a lot of mothers these days dont teach that enough. Its so sad because you can only blame the child for a very small part of not knowing. What are these mothers thinking these days. If its not taught how will it be learned???
Comment by Rhonda — March 6, 2006 @ 3:58p
WOW!!! i know what you mean. i tell my kids all the time to call adults MR, Mrs, or Miss whatever first or last name. i had to tell my son’s little friend not to call me by my first name. sometimes i think i am having a grown conversation with someone and later my son will come back and repeat something i said when i thought he wasn’t around. i’m like see you need to mind your own business and stay out of mine. i had to tell him that whatever happens in this house stays here because he’ll go back and tell his dad everything. still working on his siter though…she talks to much.
my neice is 5 and her mom treats her like a sister rather than a daughter. and she is too mature for my liking. she got more sense than her mother does. i told my sister its a damn shame when a 5 year old can run your life better than you can.
Comment by Koolbreeze — March 6, 2006 @ 5:13p
Back-talky. LOL. If my kids get back-talky they get back-handed. I don’t play like that. I cannot stand a child to be staring in my mouth when I’m having a conversation with an adult. My #1 pet peeve is disrespectful children. I have told my kids repeatedly that if anyone outside our house EVER comes to me and tells me something negative about them … that will be all she wrote. My kids are 15 and 11 and so far so good. My son has tried to question me about my younger days, about how much $$ I make, etc. I tell him to “stay out of grown folk’s business”. It’s amazing to me what some parents will allow their children to get away with. Is it because parents are getting younger and younger these days? I don’t know.
Comment by Chele — March 6, 2006 @ 9:37p
Great post Safa, but I agree and disagree…
I agree re: the level of respect children should be taught and many seem to no longer be taught…I often have children to address me as Aunt Sharon for the very reasons you stated as Ms. Jenkins coming from some of them feels too formal.
I do NOT tolerate my son involving himself in conversations he has not been invited to join in on and he knows that without question. However, I am very different when it comes to what he knows about how our household runs. I think it is important that he know what I make and what it costs to live the life he lives. I think far too few of us are openly educating our kids about financing the lives they will one day lead and so I have been very actively up front with my son through out his life regarding our finances. When he wants things that I consider to be exorbitantly expensive, I tell him I will pay whatever I would normally pay for the item (i.e. up to $75 for gym shoes), and if he wants Air Force Ones for instance he needs to find a way to earn the difference. He has always been taught that I save at least 15% of what I make and that this percentage is only that small b/c of our living expenses. He is expected to save 50% of all monetary gifts or earnings including his allowance as his expenses are handled by me. At 16, he now does so with no complaint. I believe that because so many of us keep our household finances as “grown folks business”, our kids are growing up with no awareness or training for handling their own financial futures.
Just my way of looking at this issue
YOU KNOW? I NEVER LOOKED AT IT LIKE THAT BEFORE. THAT’S A REALLY GOOD POINT. THIS MAY BE A GREAT WAY FOR THEM TO LEARN THAT MONEY DOESN’T GROW ON TREES. I DO LET THE 16 YEAR OLD KNOW ABOUT HOUSEHOLD BILLS. WELL I TRY TO TEACH HER WHY SHE CAN’T LEAVE LIGHTS ON, KEEP HER SPACE HEATER ON WHEN SHE LEAVES FOR SCHOOL, PHONE ISSUES, ETC. I WILL DEFINITELY HAVE TO RETHINK MY POSITION ON THE SALARY STANCE THOUGH. THANKS SHARON!
Comment by Sharon — March 7, 2006 @ 5:02p
I too demand a high level of respect from the twins and other children i come into contact with…and once lightly reprimanded…they tend to show me the respect…at 32 It feels funny to hear Ms. Diva…but at the same time…I’m not your “homey” homey!
As far as money…i agree with Sharon…I would rather some had told me about credit when I was a child and drilled it into me so that I would know it would affect my whole life…the twins know it…at 7 years old…and I will continue to teach them good financial habits…
But they have to stay out of grown folks business!
Comment by DJ Diva — March 10, 2006 @ 2:49p
I agree with the finance thing, Sharon. But my son calls me out sometimes..”MOM! Can I have this..it’s only $40.00. You will ONLY have to WORK 2 HOURS to pay for it!!”
What the hell?
As for grown folds business. When he intrudes on that..I just give him ‘the look.’ If he misses the look..I tell him..Go mind your 10 year old business..this is adult talk. And he knows to go.
Comment by Brenda — March 11, 2006 @ 7:44p
I know I’m late with this but just wanted to add my 2 cents. My parents were pretty liberal with me while I was growing up and I called them by their first names for a long time as a child until I went to school and realized everyone was calling their parents Mom and Dad and I switched. Learning about finances at a young age gives children a reality check. Although kids should be kids we often don’t let our kids grow up in American society. Kids get to college and are all of a sudden tempted by credit cards and other “adult” behavior they weren’t prepared for and have no idea how to handle.
Comment by Honest — March 13, 2006 @ 6:21p