Two Old, Tore-Down People or I Need Attention Too!
My husband has been experiencing some “severe” pain in his arm. I think it’s carpal tunnel. In any event it’s been keeping him up at nights. He complains, he’s been to the doctor, and I think it’s even brought him to tears. I believe it’s some kind of tendon issue from a past surgery. My room smells of all kinds of salves and balms. He’s been prescribed medication. He had to leave work early/call in several times recently b/c he says this shooting pain is paralyzing, burning, and tingly. I hope he feels better but I can’t say I feel his pain. For some reason (and I know the reason), I couldn’t care less. This probably makes me a bad wife…I don’t know. When I come up to bed, I’ll see him sitting up rubbing his hand and arm while moaning. It gets on my nerves. This is all he has talked about for about 2 weeks. He asked me once to massage his hand and I did. Normally I would do it on my own but for some reason (and I know the reason), I not only don’t care, I feel like he needs to shut up and suck it up.
The reason I feel this way is because I’m 6 and a half months pregnant, work fulltime and take care of my almost 4 year-old (who’s high maintenance). Also, I cook practically everyday, and have my two step-girls living here during the week. I am ALWAYS sore, tired, cranky, etc but he never offers to rub my feet or back. He will if I ask him though. When I complain, he doesn’t even acknowledge that I said anything. At this point, I feel like we are in competition to see who’s in more pain.
I think he believes because my job is so flexible (extremely…work from home, go in late, leave early, etc) and I usually catch a quick nap before I pick up son and 11 year old step daughter from daycare/after-care that I have it easy. Maybe I have it easier than he does but so what…
If I really had my way, I wouldn’t be working at all! Aren’t I petty?
Girl, please. You are far from petty. Men..well, you have to understand this about them: They just don’t know! They really have no idea. I was told a long time ago, that men need to be given directions about things when it pertains to women. And while that sucks, I think that with most men (not ALL, but MOST) that it’s the truth. Talk to your man! Communication is so important in relationships and even though he won’t get it all right, I guarantee that he will put forth more effort! Good Luck!
~Brenda
Comment by Brenda — March 12, 2006 @ 4:51p
I thought I was crazy when i went thru that w/ my ex husband…it was like a competition…but then agin…he competed w/ me in everything…men are like the lion with the thorn in the paw…pitiful!
but I agree with u…i would be home too if I could..wasn’t that the way it was supposed to be??
Comment by DJ Diva — March 12, 2006 @ 9:55p
Without question, men are worse than babies! Look at it this way Safa, they are wimps and without question, if men had to deliver babies, the human population would have gone extinct by now even with epidurals
That said, the pain in his hand and arm you describe is concerning to me. Not to be all up in your bizness, but make sure he has had a cardio-vascular work-up especially if he is in th 40+ age range or close to it as oftentimes arm, neck, shoulder and/or jaw pains are the symptoms of impending or actual heart attacks that show up first, instead of the more classic chest pain that we would expect to feel. As big a baby as he is being, I know you want to keep him around so have him to get a check-up including a stress test just to be sure…if he is younger than 40, this is not usually a part of a regular physical which means he will need to request it, but most health insurance will cover it b/c of the undiagnosed arm pain. Also, if he has diabetes [diagnosed or undiagnosed] the pain he is feeling may be what’s known as diabetic neuropathy which is a non-specific nerve pain that is due to long-term exposure to high glucose levels. There are pharmaceutical therapies available to effectively treat this kind of pain.
As for your pains my dear: The physical ones require another three +/- months of patience and some prayer [in which I will join in I promise] and that’s over. The more serious mental pain [i.e. hubby’s complaining] is incurable so I’ll just pray for you both on that as well
Keep your chin up!
Comment by Sharon — March 12, 2006 @ 4:08p
I hope you’re both feeling better soon!
If your job has any kind of a pension plan, NEVER give it up! You don’t need to be dependent on anyone else in your “golden years,” even if it means being out of the house now (advice from my smart mommy who stayed home for 12 years with us and, though she loved every minute and would do it again, really wishes she had a full pension!).
Nicole
Comment by Nicole — March 12, 2006 @ 4:13p
i feel your pain. be as i had very little time inbetween pregnancies i can recall a time when hubby hurt his arm and boy was he a baby about it. i just look at him and was like shut up. when you can carry a baby for 9+ months, go through labor AND delivery you give me a holla! when he gets a cold he is worst than the kids. they do lay around all day. but him! oh my lawd he is so pitiful. hang in there and tell him to go backto the doctor!
Comment by Koolbreeze — March 13, 2006 @ 3:52p
Guys can be big babies. Worse than the kids. I don’t think you’re being petty. I’ve felt what you’re feeling … you just want to tell him to shut the hell up! But don’t. I hope you both feel better soon.
Comment by chele — March 13, 2006 @ 4:29p
Hmm I’m going to agree communicate let him know how you’re feeling. Sounds like you’re both silently asking for something and not getting it.
Good luck.
Comment by Honest — March 13, 2006 @ 6:16p
Its so funny you mention this, LOL. I sometimes (A LOT) feel the same way. Although I am not pregnant I work full time, am invloved in my kids life 100% and in all their activities, cook dinner almost every night, wash clothes, do homework, baths, hair, clean the house etc. all the while not hearing me complain one bit. The last thing I want to deal with is a MAN that (in my book) acts like less than a man. I expect certain things from my man and as I call it “that baby s_ i _” dont cut it with me. I am called a b_t_h and too tough but hey I guess I have to be - why cant he?? Do I sound too harsh?
Comment by Rhonda — March 13, 2006 @ 6:25p
Don’t be mad at the hubby, he’s a man, he can’t help it. Men just aren’t as intuitive as women. They are by nature clueless. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, in fact, he may be silently praising the incredible job you’re doing. Be blunt. Tell him exactly what you want/need. Don’t let it fester. Keep up the awesome job you are doing. You, and wives/mothers like you are what makes the world go ’round!
Comment by ebony — March 13, 2006 @ 9:51p
Men definitely react to pain differently than women. We seem to have a tolerance that they cannot comprehend. Take care of you and please talk to your husband….he may just not “get it”
chelle
Comment by chelle — March 15, 2006 @ 6:21p