Standoff con Cucaracha
Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones or I may be genuinely irking my husband to death but we’ve been having the most serious battles over the dumbest things lately.
Case in point…the bug. A big bug/beetle/waterbug found it’s way into the bathroom of our bedroom. My husband killed it. It’s final resting place being on the floor between the wall and the side of the toilet. When it rains, we notice these bugs a lot in the basement. If I kill it, I’ll dispose of it. So of course I expect the same.
This dude will kill them, and when I (or anyone) walks in the basement’s laundry room, it’s like trying to avoid landmines. I’ll usually get them up. But I have to take a stand! Keep in mind I am TERRIFIED of roaches and other vermin (tramautized as a child…’nother post) but I do what needs to be done. I mean I couldn’t muster up enough courage to put a nice pic on this post of a roach/bug.
So, we had a blow-out arguement b/c no one is picking up this bug. I have trained my eyes away from the area so I don’t see it when I enter the bathroom. His argument is that since I’ve become pregnant, my penchant for housekeeping has gone WAY down and since he has taken up a lot of the slack, the least I could do is sweep the bathroom (read sweep up that roach)!
I’m sorry, it’s been there about 2 weeks and no one has made a move to pick it up. I don’t ask him to pick up after me so why should he go around killing bugs and leaving the carnage for others to get?
Believe me, it may sound funny but last week the argument escalated to us being real nasty and harsh with one another….I was even brought to tears by frustration! What should I do?
He should pick up the damned bug! That’s one of the gender specific roles of men in this society! I bet a more astute scholar than myself can even dig up spiritual law that makes this very point. You are the “bearer of life/nurturer” and he is the “hunter/gatherer”…..so tell him I said “GATHER UP THAT DAMNED BUG!”
All joking aside, I hope he’ll just do it b/c he loves you and you are doing the biggest thing anyone could ever do for him right now….growing his future. Keep your chin up Safa, it’ll all be normal again soon
Comment by sharon — May 3, 2006 @ 3:48p
oooo….get it and put it in his car or on his side of the bed or something like that!!! nah i’m just kidding… i would prolly go ahead and sweep it up cause I couldn’t stand looking at it everyday…but he wouldn’t hear the end of it. BUT its not worth you gettin all upset over right now cause you don’t want a nervous baby or one that hollas all the time. stay calm and get him back later after the baby is born.
Comment by Koolbreeze — May 3, 2006 @ 2:44p
sweep it up. just end it, cuz it’s obvious he’s willing to drag this out.
Comment by nikki — May 4, 2006 @ 1:44p
GIRL! My husband is the same damn way and I would stand my ground until that damn bug was dust back into the earth
Sorry your so frustrated! Lay it on his chest when he is sleeping. Maybe he will get rid of it then
Comment by Brandi — May 4, 2006 @ 6:59p
Hard to say but I agree with Nikki pick it up and throw it away then talk to him. You guys should try to communicate about each of your frustrations at the time.
Comment by Honest — May 6, 2006 @ 9:32p
As-salaamu `alaikum…
Sis, I’m glad to have come accross you blog. I would like to advise you regarding this post, if you’d accept advice from a brother to his sis.
Firstly, regarding your husband, I being a new husband (3 months and change) know how difficult it can be to see minor annoyances build up. ALso remember the role of the Muslim Wife/Mother, as the first commentor said, he is the Hunter/Gatherer (LOL), he sees lot’s of stuff that bothers him, he comes home and in all reality, for the first half hour after entering the home, he doesn’t wanna be bothered by ANYTHING. So maybe, it might be wiser to just swallow the pride (for both partners) and give in this time, only to cause him to mercifully give in another time.
Secondly regarding you, remember that a relationship is like a rope with each partner on an end. When one tugs and makes the rope tight, the other loosens the rope and gives it slack so that the rope doesn’t get over-stressed, to then tear. Don’t let a dirty little, un-animated, ugly, nasty, poo eating, creepy-crawly bug mess up such a beautiful thing as a marriage. Maybe you might wanna be a little more polite and use the pregnancy as an excuse and be like, “Dear, I tried to clear away the bugs but I think it is a little over-strenuous on me to keep reaching and sweeping…” Sometimes you have to be a little extra delicate for your husband to see how precious a gift he has.
Lastly, regarding the bugs… After the baby is born and there is no danger of your lungs being polluted and affecting the baby… Have your husband get a dozen cans of raid, and while you and baby are visiting family or friends, have him spray the crap out of them cans into every niche and corner that the bugs might come through. The aim is to make the spray turn into a liquid/gel from excess spraying, thus causing an almost permanent and lethal barrier for the bugs.
Take care.. enjoy life.. worship your lord.
Your brother,
Abu Miftah
WA ALAIKUM ASSALAAM WA RAHMATULLAH! THANK YOU FOR YOUR NASEEHA! I DID WIND UP CLEANING THE BATHROOM AND DID NOT SWEEP AROUND THE BUG LOL.
Comment by Abu Miftah — May 8, 2006 @ 4:23p
LMAO @ the bug carcasses that your husband leaves!
Comment by Nikki — May 8, 2006 @ 6:45p
ew ew ew..I am an anti-kill the bug myself girl!! I can’t do it I freeze in fear and scream for my husband. Thankfully he disposes of the bug guts!
Comment by chelle — May 9, 2006 @ 3:58p