Probably Won’t Win Mother of the Year Award
I am very disturbed. Of course my son has moved on but I hope I haven’t totally shaken his trust in me. A few nights ago…let me back up a bit.
Over the past several weeks (maybe months) he’s been coming into our room more frequently several times throughout the night/overnight. Initially, he said he needed to use the bathroom and the one closest to his room was too dark. So, I would turn on my nightstand lamp while he used our bathroom. Afterwards, he would whine about wanting to sleep with us. Most of the time I’d say no and walk (he just came out of his room as I’m typing at 11:42pm) him back to his room, sit with him for a bit and tuck him in. It progressed to him crying about being scared and any other excuse under the sun. My husband and I didn’t help the situation b/c as the pregnancy has progressed and after his 3rd awakening, I am too tired to walk him back downstairs to his room and my husband sleeps like a log and when I make him take the boy back to bed, he is way too harsh and my son winds up crying even more. So, we let him sleep with us sometimes.
He’s always had a nightlight in his room and now we put one in his bathroom. Here’s the thing - he will wake up, use his bathroom and still come up to my room asking to sleep with us! I am very firm now even though he has a plethora of excuses and wakes me up 2-3x throughout the night.
OK…now that the backstory is out of the way. A few nights ago, he woke up before I’d gone to bed. I put him on the toilet and tried to tuck him in. He cried about there being a bee in his room - another one of his many avoidance tactics. I told him I wasn’t buying it and made him get back in bed. About an hour later, after I’d gone to bed, he came up to my room crying about a bee flying around his room. I walked him back to his room, turned on the light sat with him for 10 minutes so he could see he had a bad dream and there really wasn’t any bees in his room. About 40 minutes later he woke me up again and I was livid. I swatted his bottom, threatened to spank him if he got out of the bed again, walked him back to his room, and forced him to bed. I reminded him that he was 4 and had to be a big boy. I also reminded him that he needed to ask God to also protect him through the night…as he’s a better protector than me. He went back to sleep. Would you believe at 3:30am he came back to my room crying so hard and saying that a bee was on his neck? I had to really control my anger as everytime I turn over my body is a ball of pain. I was worn out by this time and woke my husband, told him that the boy was obviously having a terrible dream and would have to sleep with us. Hubby grumbled something and we all went to sleep together.
Yesterday I’m vaccuming the hallway outside of son’s room. What do I see laying in the corner dead…or barely alive? You guessed it, I HUGE bumblebee…the furry, fuzzy yellow and black kind. I almost cried I felt so bad. My son was still asleep so when he woke up I told him I had to talk to him. He smiled and said ok. I sat him on my lap and asked if he remembered about the other night? He says, “when the bee was on my neck mommy?”. My heart breaks. I basically tell him what happened, apologize, and shower him with hugs and kisses. He was fine. I feel terrible.
I guess I am feeling like I may have left him feeling insecure and like mommy will not have his back. I am 34 and to this day I remember an experience from my childhood when I was 7. My upper lip itched, I scratched it and then proceeded to admire the new lace curtain my mom had just hung over my closet. She was sitting on my bed and thought I wiped a booger on it. I of course denied it and she didn’t believe me. I received a spanking (euphemism for a ’70’s style butt whoppin) - not because I wiped but because I lied about it. I guess I’ve forgiven her but it still makes me sore when I think about that. I just don’t want my son to have those kinds of memories of me. Anyway, he’s 4 and hopefully he’ll forget this ever happened in a few years.
I totally understand. At times it hard to tell between the twins who is telling the truth. Occasionally I end up punishing the wrong child. But when I find out I am wrong, I always apologize.
When I was a kid and in trouble, my mother used to think I would be smiling at her while she yelled at me…This of course would make my whuppings worse. This weekend as she was yet fussing at me for something or nother…she accused me of smiling…I said that I wasn’t…that’s just the way my mouth is shaped and she been accusing me of it since I was a kid…she still didn’t believe me…but it felt good to finally say it…
Comment by DJ Diva — May 22, 2006 @ 12:42p
i would have done the same thing!!!!! don’t feel to bad. you didn’t know! next time just check to be sure!
Comment by Koolbreeze — May 22, 2006 @ 3:00p
We have all been there. I do the same thing to J sometimes. But damn it still makes us feel like horrible mommies. I just wrote my I am getting the worst mother award post
Mine out does yours by far! LOL
Comment by Brandi — May 22, 2006 @ 6:33p
Safa,
I’ve been where you are with this post and you yourself have on several occassions referred to me as a great mother. It takes one to know one, and I know you are one otherwise, this incident would not concern you. Sometimes, scratch that, all of the time, we are learning on the job as we do this Mommy thing. It surely isn’t easy and all we can do is the best we can do.
When Ryan was 8 years old, I was going through one of my three big splits with my ex-fiancee and preoccupied emotionally with that. On the way home from school in the car one evening, Ryan said “Mom, can I talk to you?” I answered “yes”. What he said next stopped me in my tracks…..”Mom, I don’t know why you keep doing it, but you keep being mean to me and snapping at me everytime I say anything and I just think you need to know that this just needs to stop because I’m not doing nothing and it is not fair.” As they say, ‘out of the mouths of babes’. I was wrong and my little boy was the only person who could make me see it. It didn’t make me a bad mother, just a mother having a bad moment!
Keep your chin up….babyboy doesn’t even realize there is anything to be forgiven because you are such a good Mommy that it would never occur to him that you would ever do anything that would intentionally hurt him…..why not?……because you wouldn’t!
Comment by Sharon — May 23, 2006 @ 3:56p
Girl - believe me, we all have those stories, lol. Sad but true and it breaks my heart but I have a couple of those myself. He is only 4 and I dont think he will remember it. Try not to beat up on yourself too bad - we all make mistakes! =)
Comment by rhonda — May 23, 2006 @ 8:05p
enjoying your blog!
prya you are blessed with a healthy happy baby.
Comment by kiddinme — May 26, 2006 @ 9:07p
That’s funny, my 4 yr old son has also gotten up at night to tell me about some “bee” in his room too! And a similar thing happened, it was actually a moth, but whenever I went back in his room i didn’t see it, so i thought he was just making excuses to stay up too.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. You had reasons from past experience that he would making up excuses to stay up. Plus when you first looked for the bee you didn’t see it. It was an honest mistake. I’m glad your little boy didn’t get stung. Now that might have traumatized him. You sound like a good mama.
Comment by Cityslicker mom — May 28, 2006 @ 5:27p
I think it is so wonderful that you apologized to your son!!!! That is what counts, not that you got it wrong at first!
Comment by chelle — May 30, 2006 @ 6:29p
Great post - found you through Princess Brenda. I agree with Chelle, as parents we will never be perfect and will make hella mistakes. I think your son learned a lot of important stuff:
1. No one’s perfect, not even Mommy
2. If you’re wrong you should admit it and ask forgiveness.
Congratulations on the new little one. It looks like it’s any day now!
HGE
Comment by HGE — May 31, 2006 @ 12:28p