The Tough Questions
When my 4 year-old asked how my baby was going to exit my body when I was pregnant, I couldn’t imagine having to answer a tougher question.
He goes to a school about 20 minutes from home now that he’s in pre-k. Our most important mother-son discussions are taking place in the car on the ride home.
For a few weeks he seemed obsessed with asking about my deceased mother whom he has never known. That was tough and emotionally draining but we got through it. Now, since last week, he’s been bombarding me with these questions (verbatim).
“Mom, I don’t want to grow up. Will you still be my mom when I grow up?”
“Mom, I want to stay a little kid because who’s gonna show me how to drive to my own house….I don’t know where the car store is to buy a car and I’ma forget how to drive”.
“Mom, I don’t want you to die. Who will be my mommy if you die?”
“Mom, please ask Allah that I don’t want to die…can I still eat if I die?…how i’m gonna eat my food?”
“Mom, if I die will I have to wear a hat?” don’t ask me where this question came from
Regarding the death related questions, I just told him that he’s 4 and shouldn’t think about that. He should just play and be happy. I know that was so stupid and corny but I haven’t thought it out yet.
I know kids will generally ask these questions and moved on to some other deep thought like play-doh or something. However, he’s been very insistent on this topic.
When he was so fixated on my mother, I was getting upset after a while and blurted out the f act that she was buried in a box in the ground and wouldn’t wake up….TOTALLY WRONG I KNOW BUT I WAS DRIVING NEAR TEARS CAUSE HE WAS RELENTLESS!!!!!!
How did you (or would you) handle this with a 4 year-old who is very bright and precocious?
I think the worst thing one can do is to lie to a child. Death is a natural course in life. Though kinda difficult to explain to a preschooler, I think they need to know. Kids are inquisitive and if they don’t find out properly on certain issues from you, they’re find it out wrong from someone else.
Comment by Nikki — December 13, 2006 @ 6:53p
MAN that’s a tough spot to be in. you know, i never even thought about the fact that some of the questions parents get from their kids can’t really be answered without some kind of pain involved.
Comment by nikki indigo — December 20, 2006 @ 6:16p