Legacy…
I have mentioned before how I can’t read or see news stories involving violence or anything sad involving children. I sometimes think I’m weird because these stories truly stay with me for months and sometimes years. I cry and mourn and get depressed for days. Not only that, I can’t seem to stop visualizing these incidents that are relayed in the media so graphically. It’s really a mess. Well anyway, yesterday as I drove home, I started thinking about my children.
I guessed the reason I get so upset by news stories is that I have children and can’t bare the thought of anything happening to them. HOWEVER, even more distressing than that, is the thought that something will happen to me before they reach the age of maturity…like 40!!
My mother died when I was a few weeks away from turning 17. I feel like the ground work had already been laid for how I was going to live my life. I have memories of our relationship and lessons I learned from her. I feel sorry for my younger sisters. The youngest was 9 when she died and I can truly see how it has affected her life and she’s 26 now. Back to my boys…
They are 5 and 11 months. Most of you know I keep a journal of letters to both of my sons so they can have insight of me the person and me the mom. I was talking to my husband last night about the fact that these children may be the greatest and best accomplishment of my life. The conversation started when he complimented me on always reading bedtime stories and taking such care in my bedtime routine. We discussed the fact that he couldn’t remember ever having a bedtime story read to him or even remembering his mom giving him a bath and lotioning him up. I told him that I do these things because I know that life is fragile and for as long as I can, I want to create memories that my children will have of me…for as long as I’m alive.
My stream of consciousness is so haywire…..I know most parents have these thoughts but I’m 35 and my mother died at 37 so I guess I’m going through an early mid-death life crisis.
That was beautiful. I have memories like that of my mom. She’s 55, I’m turning 30 and I still can’t imagine my life without her. All those baths and all that lotion and every single story counts. Your boys are benefitting from all that you do for them even now.
Comment by Melissa — May 30, 2007 @ 10:49p
What a great mom you are. I remember being read bed time stories as a child and what I remember most of all was that my mom always made me a mug of warm milk with just the right amount of sugar right before I went to bed and woke me up with one when I woke up.
Comment by Honest — June 1, 2007 @ 1:38p
Hi Safa,
I know exactly how you feel about this. My father as you know died when I was 9 years old. I have only a few sharp memories of him and I wish I could remember more. The most vivid memory I have is of myself sitting on his stomach while he watch sports and let me “give him a manicure” by cleaning his fingernails. It was about the only one on one time we spent as I had two older brothers and a baby sister to compete with. Keep doing what you are doing, because I am proof positive that somehow, it penetrates and sticks with your kids forever!
I miss all my blog-Land friends and reading your blogs regularly. I am well and hopeful that I will be able to become a regular blogger and blog reader again soon. Take care
Comment by Sharon — June 4, 2007 @ 2:45p