Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

I am a pretty open-minded and easy going person. I tend to get along with most people I come in contact with masha’Allah. I just started a new job that I love. I was at my previous job for over 6 years so everyone was pretty well informed about the muslim girl…ya know, she doesn’t shake hands with men, she doesn’t come to any holiday parties, doesn’t join in to sing happy birthday, etc. However, like I always told them, “I MAY NOT CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS, BUT I CELEBRATE CAKE:)…or I MAY NOT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, BUT I CELEBRATE HAVING DAYS OFF WORK” LOL. Anyway, starting a new job means having to go through the process all over again.

Having started my job right before thanksgiving, the office was ripe for a party or potluck every week! I didn’t go to any of the parties and everyone was cool with that. However, we had a potluck that was titled, “end of year luncheon”. I relented and went. The christmas potluck and party had already taken place so why not? I didn’t hang around, dropped off a dish and made a plate. I don’t mingle in any social way with men so I sat down and chatted with a female co-worker. It was all good. I left after 15 minutes. This was the 1st group lunch potluck thing I’ve done in a while and I have to tell you…..

Probably won’t again…I left STARVING…..almost everything had pork in it! I ate a salad and a couple of buffaloe wings! People kept asking, “is that all you’re eating”? I’m not the type to say, “Well, yeah I don’t eat pork”! I just smiled. Even when I get together with my non muslim family, they are now used to experimenting with smoked turkey and other meats….I don’t get together with them on non muslim holidays because I don’ t celebrate them but also because my family is gonna cook those chit’lins or ham at christmas whether I’m there or not!!! One time my sister had some G.lory greens with no meat in it. I started to eat them but I said, let me just look at these ingredients first…lo and behold…made with pork broth. My sister was hot when I told her I wasn’t eating it! Some family members are just plain evil. My aunt made stuffing one time and told us they were made with turkey sausage. Before I left home to travel to her house, my cousin called and told me not to eat it because her mom made it with pork instead. I didn’t even go to her house that day. She lives 3 hours away and wanted to know why we changed our minds…she was so upset. I didn’t even tell her!

I stopped eating pork when I was 15, years before I became muslim so it wasn’t something I had to “give up” when I became muslim almost 8 years ago. I’ve never been the type to be the vigilant pork police either. Ya know, inspecting all the monos and whatnot of every package with a pair of binoculars. However, if I know it’s made with pork or pork juice…I ain’t eating it.

On the other hand, I’m not gonna front and act like I don’t know what it tastes like either. I grew up in spanish harlem where egg rolls, wanton soup and rib tips was all a young girl could afford and it was GOOD:) But a’las,Allah knows best so no pork means no pork…unless I am starving to death and it’s the only thing available….this is from my religion. Don’t have the daleel (proof) so if anyone knows where that can be found please tell me:)

My son, who’s 5 has never eaten pork and he is the pork police. He’s so crazy, he will ask a waitress in a resturaunt if the french fries has pork in it! A healthy balance I say. I have a friend who was upset that a storybook at my house had pigs in it. I reminded her that pigs are usually on farms, begin with the letter “P” and do, infact say “oink”….geesh…just because your child knows this doesn’t mean he will eat pork..and Allah knows best.

This post was really a continued thought I had in my head as I remembered something funny from high school involving lipstick and a refused kiss because the lipstick was made from pork tallow….it was ‘88 and people were VIGILANT about these things…..ugghhh he was such a Pub.lic Enemy/X Clan wannabe. I digress…

I don’t understand…well yes I do to an extent. I’m sure most of us can appreciate certain aspects/practices of another’s culture. For example, I am a HUGE fan of a lot of english/british culture…especially the humor and certain phrasings. You may even hear me say “I need to go on holiday”, or when a friend or someone is giving me a hard a time or trying to pull one over on me, I might be heard saying, “are you serious or just taking the piss?”. You may even hear me refer to the chinese resturaunt as the “chinese take-away”. Oh, and “bloody this, that and the other” are now all part of my daily vernacular. This is probably as far as I go.

At what point are you teetering on the ridiculous and bordering on being offensive? Some people felt the B-Boy style out of NYC was totally jacked by asian youth. Some people just see this as a form of flattery. I see this having started as a form of flattery but now it’s spawned it’s owm sub-culture.

A lot of people (myself and friends included) thought it quite ridiculous when we used to see white people with locs. Even though I still feel it looks nasty and unkempt, I assume now it’s not so much imitation as them actually embracing the rastafari movement/religion.

Now, what I saw last night - aside from being the inspiration behind this post, was a bowl of hot, offensive, nasty, ridiculous, taking-it-to-the-extreme, messatation of all. Talk about jacking someone’s culture….

I’m at the supermarkert standing in line. I casually look back and 2 people behind me is a father/daughter. The little girl is about 5, cute as a button. They were white…it’s relevant for me to add this as it relates to cultures. The dad, at first glance looked like the typical 25-30 year-old suburban DC dad….La.nds End parka, D.ockers, etc….

BOY WAS I MAKING A GENERALIZATION. Something caught my eye and I had to do a double take. Y’all, this is what I saw: Now let me say, I did not speak to this man and don’t know WHY he did this. There may be some movement that I don’t yet know about but for a western white male do do this….please someone tell me what I’m missing. I’m guessing it’s just aesthetics. I’m sure people thought I looked crazy when I had my eyebrow pierced in my 20s. I guess I’m just imagining what teachers and the like say about this girl’s dad when he shows up for conferences. I wonder will she be embarrased when she gets older.

I think I would have a different reaction if this was something indigenous to this part of the world or even to men. Of course one of you will have a few examples of this having happened somewhere else and I know I may come off as closed minded but so what…it’s my blog…….

Imagine this earlobe, only but larger AND ON A MAN…He looked looked like he had 2 silver and blue boiled eggs as earlobes. Oh let me be clear. The guy wasn’t just wearing large earrings…his earlobes had been stretched to that size….like we used to see on Nationa.l Grap.hic back in the day.

OMG…I am so embarrased. I wasn’t thinking this morning when I gave my son 2 boiled eggs to eat in the car while I drove him to school. I had to drop my car off to the shop for service after he went to school. When I returned to the car from his school I was almost knocked backwards from the smell in my car. Because I was in a rush to get to the shop, then to the car rental place, I didn’t have time to air out the car.

I wondered if I should have told the guy “wuddn’t me” before he got in my car. Anyway, I hope he doesn’t give me any funny looks when I pick my car up in a few days.

All of a sudden over the last 6 months or so, my family has revolted against spinach. I thaw it out (b/c of course it’s frozen!!! Don’t judge me!) and add a little salt and butter. Only my baby eats it. My 5 year-old is suddenly allergic to it (so he says) and my husband offered no explanation other than he was never really that “into it”. Hmmph!

Until…The past two weeks I’ve been buying fresh spinach, sauteeing in a little olive oil with a dash of salt. My husband LOVES it! It’s amazing. Even J tolerates it. It’s so easy to prepare and it really does have a totally different taste than frozen.

Oh, fresh green zuchinni is a staple in our…made pretty much the same as the spinach. However, add a few fennel seeds and pepper and your MONEY!

I am trying to come to grips with the realization that my 17 month old will not relinquish his bo-bo (or paci or binky) anytime in the foreseable future. I know it’s my fault. When I just had one baby…who’s now 5, it was easier. I was supermom. He was off the bo-bo at 13 months and the bottle. He stopped nursing only 2 months after I began the weaning process. I’ve heard the transistion from 1 child to 2 children is the hardest. I believe it. I’ve grown lazy….or at least less vigilant. I mean, I LOVE the fact that my son’s bo-bo buys me a little time…although some people try to make me feel guilty. I’m feeling the pinch now because…

He still sleeps in my bed. I’m ok with that for the most part because as a nursing mom it’s convenient. However, more than his big brother did, he still roots around and nurses while he sleeps and while I try to sleep. It’s really getting on my nerves. I am well aware that he isn’t hungry and it’s more of an emotional/habitual attachment. My thing is that the bo-bo helps some of this but not enough. He will be two next June insha’Allah (God-willing) and I didn’t think I would have to wean from the breast, bo-bo AND bed! OK…I will definitely have to strategize. My 1st task will be to set up a toddler bed next to mine and slowly start this process. I won’t wean from the bo-bo and breast at the same time…I don’t want to shock my baby. I tell ya! Don’t sleep on the power of the bo-bo…I’ve seen a lost bo-bo illicit tears…from the MOMMY!…ok IT WAS ME:) This is so not healthy. I do envy moms who say their baby just wouldn’t take it at all.

I am just looking forward to the day that I can take a nap and have my 2 sons play quietly together in their bedroom.