Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

Why do we have the need to explain the unexplainable? Human beings always must be able to wrap things up so nicely in order for us to feel comfortable. The death of He.ath Led.ger just reminded me of this again. Whenever someone dies and we can’t readily explain it, we take it upon ourselves to develop theories. It really annoys me b/c for real, we don’t know. I feel so bad for families when the media and lay persons start to dissect every part of that individual’s life. These pop psychologists then postulate and throw out opinions to support this or that.

I mean really, I have OFTEN pondered this phenomenon. Man, if the deceased could actually come back to just set the record straight…. If it was a deadly accident caused by medication interactions, what purpose does it serve to talk about his relationships and the fact that he was depressed???

I know I am ranting and most of this is purely rhetorical anyway. It just really bugs me. Even those people who say, “well nothing is substantiated, however, if we look at the interview from 1998 we saw signs…….” UGGGHH it really irks me.

Believe it or not, this is one of the reasons I keep journals to both of my children. I would hate to accidently die by drinking anti-freeze thinking it was Kool-Aide and have people think I “checked out” because…”you know, her mom was such and such” or “you know, she was never the same after her last baby was born”, or “she blogged one time about being depressed”….you get my point.

These are my responses to questions asked by Quel! If you’re reading this, check below to see if you’ve been TAGGED by me!

At what age do you wish to marry?
24…actual date 28

What color do you like most?
Black

Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Mecca

Which part of you do you hate the most?
The neurotic part

When you encounter a sad moment, what do you do?
Cry or sulk

What are you afraid to lose the most?
My children

If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Pay off debt, take family on Hajj, donate to masjid, GO SHOPPING, and IF there’s any left, save

How did you celebrate the New Year?
Didn’t

Til now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
It’s private

Which type of person do you hate the most?
People who hurt/harm children

What is your ambition?
To be my own boss

If you had one wish what would you wish for?
To be a better muslim

Name one of your body parts your hubby or boyfriend tells you he adores:
Personal

What is the best gift you can give someone this year?
Patience, and MANY hugs/kisses to my boys

List two of your Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions.
I didn’t make any

What do you need to do this year in order for you to be happier in life?
Well generally, not just this year, I need take care of me!

What are the Top 2 things that you are most thankful for the year 2007 that made you even more happier for 2008?
Finding a new job and another chance to improve certain things in my life

What was the best lesson you learned in 2007 (be specific)?
Can’t think right off hand

In this very moment, are you doing what you thought you’d be doing at this stage in your life?
Yes, for the most part…although I thought I’d be doing more traveling

If you knew tomorrow was the final day of existence, what would you do today?
Pray, repent, roll around with my sons and make nice with hubby

If you could do over any moment or decision in your life, what would it be?
There are several but I would have gone to a state university instead of Syracuse….my state university friends finished paying off loans right after college and still have great jobs.

I’m supposed to add a question to the list for the people I tag to answer…

What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?

I am tagging NIKKI, SHARON, DIVA, and MELISSA.

I am old-school in terms of what is exceptable ways for my son to talk to me or any other adults. I find that as I get older, the way I hear friend’s children speak to them or other adults very triflin’. For example, I have a friend with a teenager. When I call and and ask if my friend is home, this is what I get, “yeah, hold up a sec”. Ok, is it just me? What about, “yes, hold on please..or hold on a minute”. This child is very sweet and not disrespectful at all. I truly think it’s just how some kids are if parents don’t find it wrong. I am not judging my friend’s parenting skills b/c she’s great and has a wonderful relationship with her child. Now, I must admit, my 5 year-old is very guilty of the word-for-word exchanges and back talk. I am really trying to nip it in the bud now. He just feels the need to out talk and out explain me on most issues.

We’ve had a problem with him answering us by saying “what?”. I am not feeling this. So I always remind him to answer, “yes ma’am” or just “yes”…goodness, I’ll even accept “huh?” at this point. However, like I mentioned earlier, he tries to find loopholes in every lesson I attempt to teach him. So if I say, “J, you know what?”, or “J guess what?”, he answers, “what?”. When I tell him to say “yes”, he says, “well you said guess what so I have to say what back”.

This morning he was lollygagging in getting his shirt on. Instead of straight out threatening him with a flailing, I said, “J, you know what?”, he said, “what”. I say, “who are you talking to like that, you answer by saying yes”. He says, “well you said what to me first”. I say, “from now on whenever I call you, say yes regardless”.

Later on in the morning I call him. He answers, “yes regardless”. What am I supposed to do with that???

On JANUARY 15th, 1908 from which all others originate, Alpha Kappa Alpha was founded to be

perpetuating the rise of black womanhood

Although I am not active since becoming muslim, I could not let the day go by….100 years… NICE. In AKA years I am approaching 16 years and can’t hardly believe it!

with weird quirks and behaviors? I know I am not. It struck me this morning that I do have some weird little “things” I do. However, I bet I am not the only one. Here are a few of my quirks that come to mind…at least those I’m willing to share LOL:

1. At the drive-thru, I try to drive quickly to the screen to see what the people in the car in front of me just ordered.
2. Would rather put a beverage in the freezer for 30 minutes than put ice in my glass….too distracting and uneven coldness.
3. When I chew gum, I CANNOT dispose of it unless the last chew produces a “pop”.
4. I’ll wear mix-match socks when I can’t find a matching pair (I’m 35 not 13 and don’t even care about color scheme)
5. I really pronounce mix-match “michmack”…I have a masters degree and don’t feel bad.

Any you care to share? Come on, it’s very liberating:)

I feel melancholy and at the same time awed after talking to my 5 and 3/4 year old son this morning as I helped him get ready for school. I was sitting on his bed facing him as he stood before me. Before he begins any “discussion” with me, he now prefaces everything with “mom, can we have a conversation about something?”. This is usually when he wants to talk about something specific. I actually don’t even remember why or what prompted this mornings talk. Now that I think about it, I only remember one thing that really got me.

He was wiping his face with his washcloth and I reminded him to wipe the corners of his mouth. He said something like, “I can wipe the corners but not too much on the inside because….” He has a contrary point to most of my requests. Anway, he then says something about wanting to make sure he doesn’t wipe away the taste of the rainbows in his mouth. Keep in mind, he had not brushed his teeth yet. I asked him, “you can taste rainbows?”. He replies, “yeah, you don’t know what rainbows taste like?” he continues, “rainbows taste like a whole lot of different colors all in one and all in your mouth…it’s nice ok?”

I guess I am just going to have to take his word for it. I can’t remember ever knowing what a rainbow tastes like, and it makes me want to cry.

Upon reflection, where you may have thought you were being quick and clever, you were really thinking inside a box. Case in point: Once a week I work in a government building. As many of you know living in a city, parking is at a premium. Therefore, when I got to work this morning and found a spot 3-4 spaces from the front door….masha’Allah I just had to thank Allah.

All morning I’m looking out of the window down at my money spot…looking at all of those unfortunates relegated to the netherregions of the parking lot as they faced the cutting wind to walk to the building…..then…lunchtime.

There’s a shopping center right across the street from the building. Well..it’s not a street, more like a mini-highway. You know, 4 lanes running east and west with a median separating. Driving to the shopping center takes 2 minutes. As I watched the clock slowly inch towards 1pm, I was getting hungrier. However, I couldn’t bare to think that as soon as I pulled out, my beautiful space would be taken in seconds (no exaggeration). So what did I decide? Of course I decided to walk.

OK…so I jaywalked so that I could make sure to have a median to step on. The wind was cutting and I felt real foolish. But I made it! There were one or two migrant/day laborers crossing as well. I got my lunch (sesame chicken thank you), and prepared to walk back to work. Now here was the challenge ; I am now walking into the wind with my hijab blowing up in my face, people looking at me from their warm cars with pity and amusement as I waited for the other light to change. Oh, it’s not just a stop/go light. I am fighting the left turn lights, u-turners, etc. UGGHHHH. My nose was running, eyes just tearing, lips all dry, shoes untied, face getting real ashy…However, alhamdulilah (praise God) I made it back to the office in one piece.

I looked out of the window at my car with pride. Then it hit me. I used up 35 minutes of my lunch walking across a highway to avoid loosing a space that if I HAD lost it, I still would not have had to walk as far as I did for my lunch!!!! What a moron I am.