For Love or Sanity
If you were presented with the following scenario, what whould you do?:
Your hubsand is looking for a better job. He’s unhappy at his current job and feels he has hit the ceiling. You hear of ajob opportunity that would be perfect for him. The only problem, it’s at the company you currently work for. You guys would not be working together - or even in the same department. However, it is your company and you would see him. There are some advantages of course - like saving on gas by carpooling, an extra $300 to you for referring him to the company, ….well maybe these are the only advantages.
Although this isn’t necessarily my situation, I thought about it when a friend asked my advice. Personally, I love my “me” time. As a mother of 2 young children, the only time I get to myself is in my car driving to and from work. Also, I enjoy sharing my days events with my husband. Plus, I am private and don’t really like merging all parts of my life. This may sound selfish but growing up the oldest of 4 girls, I am UBER senstive about having “my” stuff. When I got married, I had to get over that real fast. Now that I have a husband AND children, I hardly have anything that is really mine. My work and my little side hustle (southern living at home consultant) allow me to have something all my own. Plus, my husband and I would clash in the car b/c we listen to different talk radio programs. I remember reading a post by DJ Diva that she and her husband carpools and they love it. I remember thinking that was so cool but I would get tired of it after a few months.
But, in Islam, you should want for your brother/sister what you want for yourself. So, in that vein, wouldn’t it almost be incumbant upon you to allow your husband to work in a company that would make him happy, give him more money and therefore probably be a benefit in your marriage? I really had to think hard about this question. Honestly, I don’t think I could do it. What about you?
I don’t know about this one…
While I value my alone time, I would probably love to work at the same company where my husband works… we could do lunch together on occasion and I am all about saving money (re: carpooling) and we could still share our day with each other on the ride home if we didnt work in the same department. I am a little different from you… I am the only girl in a family of nine (it’s hard to be selfish and alone when you have 8 brothers) so I am the social butterfly and love being around people. At the same time though… I am a loner at heart. I am contradicting myself here, huh? LOL
I dont know, I would probably go with it since there are benefits in it and work on getting my alone time through other means.
Back to work now!
Tru3
Comment by Tru3Woman — March 3, 2008 @ 3:01p
I’m sure I could do it, and so could you Safa. I’m very similar to you when it comes to my personal time in the car. I gave up much of it transporting my son back and forth to school for 16 years and now that he has his own car, I am on my own again and loving it.
However, if the scenario you speak of came to pass, I would probably go with it and develop some game rules i.e. alternating days on radio programming or the passenger uses a portable system with headphones. With so much togetherness, I would think carving out other “alone time” for each of you would be acceptable to both. I understand the reticence, but I do believe it is do-able.
Interesting post…
Comment by Sharon — March 3, 2008 @ 6:15p
LOL
well I have to say that sometimes it does get on my nerves. if I’m late picking him up…he sometimes has an attitude…and I LOVE to listen to music while driving and he wants to talk. He says its the only time where he has my full attention (?) and we can talk about stuff. I say we can talk whilst a DJ Diva Mixtape is playing softly in the background. LOL
I will say that at home I get plenty of me time after the kids go to bed. My husband and I usually separate into different rooms to pursue our individual interests so it works well.
I still need to hear some music though…LOL
Comment by DJ Diva — March 4, 2008 @ 12:06p
I don’t know if I could do it, either. I mean, I love my fiance, but there is something to be said for maintaining some personal space/time. Then again, I work from our living room so I already feel like my personal space is pretty much gone.
Comment by Melissa — March 7, 2008 @ 4:19p