My legs are tired…
from continually running around on this hamster wheel but expecting a different outcome. My son will is 21 months old so I think I should let him off the hook for my excess weight. What’s so frustrating is that I could probably write a book on weight loss! I know basically to eat less and move more. However, I am NOT doing it.
Over the years, I’ve been on Jen.ny Craig, LA Weigh.t Loss, Cur.ves, and most recently We.ight Watchers. I am not into fad dieting as I know they don’t work. I could easily say the probem is that I just like food. However, I know I can still like food and eat the types of food I like without ballooning out of control…but I don’t.
Ugghhh, this is so frustrating. I think I have reverse body dismorphia or something. I’ve been looking in the mirror and seeing a “voluptuous” beauty for the past year. Reality is that I am really overweight and need to “STOP THE INSANITY”….as the ’90s weight loss guru Susan P.owter used to say.
True story: My friend was over my house last year. She and I are the same age almost to the day. My son, then 5, was amazed that we were the same age. Here’s how it went:
Son: Y’all are really both 34?
Me: yes, we will both be 35 next month in February
Son: For real Miss C?
Friend: Yup
Son: OK, but actually my mom is probably older because she’s fat right?
I started crying in my heart. I remember telling my husband while I was pregnant this same child in 2002 that I didn’t want to be the mom at my son’s school that the kids said was fat. Don’t you guys remember “that” mom who came to the class and y’all laughed because Johnny’s mom was a pig? Well, I never wanted to be that mom for my children.
I’m almost to the point where I WILL start ripping out tags in my clothes so hubby won’t see what size I’m in. I always thought that once I out grew a size 12, I would just die!!!! God those were the days.
((hugs))
Been there. Well, actually I didn’t even have a pregnancy to fault for the weight gain. I’ve gained and lost 50 lbs before. I’m back to carrying around 20 extra right now. I’m getting married next month and I know I’ll have a double chin in some pictures and I’ve grown to realize that it’s OK. It’s me, whatever shape I’m in. Eat less and move more are important things, so simple, and yet so hard to really do. You’re not alone in this, honey. And it doesn’t make you a failure. You’re a success in so many ways. Do not let this defeat you. You are better than this.
Comment by Melissa — March 27, 2008 @ 7:13p
Insha’Allah let us lose together?
Comment by Umm Layth — March 28, 2008 @ 7:51p
As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:
I hear that Weight Watchers really works. It appears to be a sensible way to change eating habits.
Be kind and patient with yourself, sis. It will happen. The important thing is to lose it in a healthy way so you don’t end up regaining it!
I’m working on taking off 50 lbs
Comment by Safiyyah — March 29, 2008 @ 4:08p
Just wanted to say that those 2 beauties who commented after me are pretty darn smart. You have good friends and we all hope you’re good to yourself during this time when you want to shed some pounds. It’s so easy to grow to dislike your body, which is a shame because it’s a pretty sacred thing, you know? However anyone believes our being is created it’s always miraculous and sacred. I hope you’re honoring your miracle body today because it’s part of you and you’re amazing whatever the scale says. Just wanted to tell you that. It’s Monday and it’s grey here in Brooklyn, my mom says it wasn’t the prettiest day in DC, so some virtual sunshine-y words might be right up your alley.
Comment by Melissa — March 31, 2008 @ 11:07p
I am definitely here if you would like to exchange daily personal emails chronicling what you have done to move towards the goal of not being the fat Mom. I too had the desire not to be that Mom and for most of Ryan’s childhood I managed to avoid that stigma. However, I too would love being a size 10 or 12 again right now and though not perfect, I am currently trying to get back on track. The personal email address is sharon2172@aol.com and please feel free to hit me there if you’d like someone to go through this process with you on a personal note without being judgemental or harsh.
In any event, I wish you peace as it relates to your body image whatever the state of your actual body
Comment by Sharon — April 1, 2008 @ 6:05p
Gosh, I am in the same boat as you. My dd is 4 years old and I still have not lost the weight I put on during my pregnancy. I just started dieting again this past monday. Hopefully this time I will stick to it!!!
Comment by Solace — April 1, 2008 @ 6:38p
@ Melissa - Thanks soooooo much for your kind words and support…especially the sunshine-y words:) How did you lose 50 lbs? Body image is something that I can’t get right…it’s either one extreme or the other. I definitely need to be realistic and still be positive. I was telling Sharon that I know that 75% of my struggle with this is mental and it has been the hardest hurdle to get over.
@ Safiyyah - Yes, I loved Weight Watchers. My issue is that if a fall short more than a few times, I get discouraged and quit…basically using the excuse that I am wasting money and must not be truly ready or serious about losing the weight.
@ Umm Layth - Yes, I would love to have a support system and partner in this. I will be in touch:)
@ Solace - I pray that you reach your goal. My problem with “dieting” is that I make it into this whole event and production and then get deflated after I fall short a few times. I feel like I should just do it naturally without all the fanfare. I haven’t even factored in the all important exercise!
Comment by Safa — April 1, 2008 @ 2:28p
Shall we start a weight lost blog???
Comment by Muslim007 — April 2, 2008 @ 2:44p
@ Muslim 007 - A weight loss blog? I don’t know. Ordinarily I would jump at that (being a big planner of “events”) but now I am trying to cut through the production of documenting, tracking, yada yada and just doing! I also get so bogged down in the planning of the event that the goal get lost on me and then if one day i don’t post on the “weight loss” blog, I’ll feel like a failure and feel bad for letting everyone down and then quietly duck out.
Comment by Safa — April 3, 2008 @ 2:02p
Wow. This is similar to a post I did on my secret blog (yes I do have one LOL) I’ll repost it today on Bossy. I spend most of my time on DJ though LOL. What I loved the most is that you loved your body with the extra weight. That’s so important. I was a 6 when I met Scribe and although I havent had a baby yet…I’m a 12 now…and happy. that’s what counts…
Comment by DJ Diva — April 4, 2008 @ 11:52p
How did I do it? I got happy. Really. I got out of a bad relationship and started to see myself as the awesome woman I am, rather than the chubby body I let myself become. It’s amazing how loving yourself results in way less Oreo cravings.
Comment by Melissa — April 7, 2008 @ 7:29p
as salamu ‘alaykum dear
Hey, how is your progress coming along, dear?
Comment by Umm Layth — April 27, 2008 @ 10:24p