Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

Function: noun
Etymology: French bal, from Old French, from baller to dance, from Late Latin ballare, from Greek ballizein
Date: circa 1639

1 : a large formal gathering for social dancing

This definition came from Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. I am sure you can find other definitions around. There are certain topics I choose with friends in a face:face setting. I have found issues that are controversial or particulary provocative does not generally lend itself to productive discourse on these internets. The main reason though, is that I am lazy and don’t have the time or energy to quote this text, research that hadith, notate this excerpt from that scholar’s lecture from 1995, google this phrase phishing for daleel, etc. I mean shoo, I work full time and have babies at home!

However, this is a topic I wanted to discuss on here. It started a few days before the presidential inaugurat.ion. My friend asked if I was participating in any activities since I had family coming down from NY. I told her no that the only activity I was aware of was the various balls going on. She said, “why don’t you go to the muslim ball?”. I laughed because…well, because I assumed she was making a funny. She was dead serious. My first response was “huh”. My next was a sigh (to myself) and then I said, “I guess I am not suprised”. I didn’t give this too much thought again until I came across this brother’s blog. This was a hot topic over there.

When I became muslim in 2000, my general base of knowledge and understanding of the religion was that of the salafi manhaj or ahlus sunnah wal jumaat. Most people would view this understanding as more conservative…some say extreme…whatev. Either way, it was fine with me because I tended to have an all or nothing personality….yah know, go hard or go home. I remember meeting this sister who told me that she tried that approach and she just became exhausted. I could not understand what she meant. I figured she just got tired of doing things correctly.

That was almost 9 years ago. I now understand what she meant. By that I mean that trying to be what you think is perfect and doing for the sake of doing is exhausting….no matter what the arena. As I’ve had children and matured, I find that you have to find a medium to live your life where you can function without feeling like you have to walk on egg shells to be around your own self. At the same time, you must live your life according to the path that you believe is correct…really correct, not just what you tell yourself is correct in order to sleep at night. And if when you find yourself living contrary to that, know how to repent and seek forgiveness. With all of that said….

Booooo to the Not really feeling the ball! Now please do not get me wrong. I am an african american muslimah from harlem, stayed active in the bsu on my college campus, pledged a traditional and feminine forward thinking sorority, etc. I am very interested in my place in the fabric of the society in which I live. I truly appreciate the historical significance of having President Ob.ama as the president. Don’t get it twisted. However, muslims don’t have to compromise what you know is correct just so you don’t feel marginalized in this country. I am soooooo tired of people using these excuses to justify their desires. A ball is a ball. You have a BAND playing live instruments! Even if the men and women will be separated…ok, even if that were the case, many people were on your guest list who do not subsribe to that separate thang. So all of the invited congressman/women, media folk, etc will be content to stay on the male/women only side? Come on now. Among most of my non-muslim family, co-workers, associates, etc, the MAIN thing they ALL seem to not be able to fathom is the no-mingling practice. They can’t stand it. Why have music? What was the dress attire? Why not have a dinner where these people spoke to the muslim constituency and the muslims listened to the individuals who were there speaking? I can’t answer these questions. This is just what is going through my mind. I feel like why even put yourself in a scenario of questionable behaviors? But, I am missing the main point…if you don’t find it questionable then it’s all good. One thing I no longer do is argue deen issues. I stopped that long ago. Mainly because we all have our line and I’ve learned from personal experience that the line changes from time to time. I try not to be judgemental but sometimes a thing, at least to me, is so obvious that I am truly baffled at the rationale of the party involved. I mean really, do your thing, but don’t argue and ridicule someone for pointing out flaws in your argument.

Like I said, american muslims are american and we are vested in what happens in this country. I don’t buy into the views of some that because we are muslim in a kaffir country we should have no involvement, or opinion in this process. Buss’ it, I pay taxes…I am vested as long as I live here. I won’t get into the voting thing but people have all kinds of opinions on that. My point is, a ball??? Where live music is played and women and men will mix? Please know that mixing with non-muslims of the opposite sex is not right as well. We (myself included) sometimes like to paint a narrow brush over our religious dictates. No, if you wouldn’t shake hands with a muslim man, don’t shake hands with a non-muslim man.

I guess my frustration really boils down to the fact that I feel like some muslims feel that in order to be taken seriously (ie…not extreme, intelligent, not backward) they have to conform to EVERYTHING that the non-muslims do or engage in. It reminds me, as a black women, of how some blacks would cowtow to whites just be accepted. But for real, people respect those who are geniune and live their values and beliefs. Muslims come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. Present yourself, your agenda, whatever in a way that is pleasing to Allah (swt). There are more halal things to engage in than the haraam. Let’s be creative here.

The other evening I was at the local supermarket. It was late and not too many people were there. Two store employees were chatting in the bread aisle about the recent election of the new president. They were older african-american men who appeared to be in their fifties. I was browsing on the opposite side of a display area so I heard them but they didn’t see me.

I initially thought they were praising the rise of the new president as they started to recount his rise from junior senator all the way to the White House. Then the conversation took a turn and they started comparing thoughts on why the new president could in fact be the anti-ch.rist….their reasons were because he has a muslim last name, he speaks really well, he has a commanding personality, he’s good looking. They postulated that he was “planted” there by the illuminati (my word not their’s). As I listened to the pair in the store, I briefly wondered if perhaps they are so leary and suspicious because the possibility of a black president is too wild to even believe without some nefarious svengali being at the root of it. Now, based on the conversation I overheard, these men were christian. But, I have heard a few muslims postulate some ideas as well. Someone said that perhaps he is really secretly muslim and after some time will address needs of muslims.

As a muslim, african-american female, I’ve heard my share of opinions on the election process and inau.guratio.n of the new president. From non-muslim family and friends to muslim friends and associates. That is not the point of this post. I think most people can appreciate the historic nature of this event. However, my experience is that people have differing views on how and why, at this point in time, it has occured. I can’t even delve into the diferring religious opinions on this topic…like, is it ok to be happy, did you even vote, is it a sin to feel vested, yada yada yada. That is for greater minds than mine to tackle LOL!

I had family from out of town who just left this morning. I should have taken today off. I am whipped. When family visits, you feel compelled to over-entertain so they don’t talk about you when they leave. Hmmphh, next time I am taking it easy!

It’s true….after a vacation (or long weekend), you really do need one just to get back right!

Every week I take time to leisurely drink a cup of coffee while reading the Sunday paper. I take particular care in my review of obituaries. I’m like a senior citizen like that LOL! I have lived in the DC metro area long enough that at least twice I’ve seen people that I knew. There are always interesting things to read about the life someone left behind. However, more and more I have been somewhat disgusted…well maybe that’s a bit too strong - but I have been turned off by something I notice in some obits.

I’ll give you an example of something that was in this Sunday’s obituaries. First of all, the obit was about 3 paragraphs long. The first 2 sentences talked about the birth/death dates of the deceased. The next couple of sentences described how nice she was and how she was a homemaker. The last sentence in the paragraph stated the name of her child. The next paragraph started with stating the daughter’s full married name and the fact that she was married to a US congressman. Here’s where it went sour for me. The next TWO paragraphs were basically a resume of the son-in-law’s professional and political career!!! This was not the first time I’d seen this. I even see it in wedding announcements. Usually it states the accomplishments of at least the parent (or in a deceased parent, their children)…but the son-in-law???

I think it’s cheesy and totally takes away from the person’s notice of death. It was almost like that elderly lady was being defined by the fact that her daughter married a famous politician. It really bugged me. I remember seeing one where the relatives were named and next to one relative, in parentheses, it said (yes, THAT John Smith)! First of all, it was like a 3rd cousin and it just so happened to be a famous rapper or singer, I can’t remember. I mean geesh, in death, let the deseased get top billing!