All inclusive
The last time hubby and I had a date night, it was at p.fc.hangs. We challenged one another to see who could go the longest without bringing up our children. I believe I was able to go longer. If you read articles or books about how to add spice to your relationship by these pop psychologists and relationship “experts”, they will all say
have a date night and don’t mention or discuss your children…reconnect with each other…
I can definitely understand the sentiment behind statements like that. I was the loudest sistah in among my friends saying, “we were a couple BEFORE the kids”, and “insha’Allah we will be old, crusty, and alone when they leave us to start their own lives”!!
I’ve since had a change of view. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel it’s important to have a fulfilling relationship with your spouse and continue to learn about/from each other and grow together. However, I don’t think it’s ok to leave the kids at the door…even when you are on a “date”. I mean if your conversation naturally flows away from the topic of kids, fine. I just think we shouldn’t pressure ourselves to omit our children by thinking this will be what ignites our passions. Our children are a significant part of our lives and most of our movement and decisions are related to the children.
Think about it, if you are a parent, do talking about your kids to your bffs affect your friendship? I guess sometimes it may if the other person is not a parent or if you go on and on. But you see what I’m saying.
If you are trying to recapture a natural affection for your loved one, find commom ground…just like you did when you first met. After children enter your lives, THEY are your common ground…it’s unnatural to act otherwise.
I love that you posted about this. As we speak, my husband and I are venturing back into coupledom. We haven’t gotten all the way comfortable leaving our 15 month old with anyone yet. We did go out on our anniversary and had a friend sit sit at the house with him and put him to bed for us. That was ONCE! We didn’t make it through dinner without gushing over our boy, but like you said, it would be unnatural to do otherwise. Who knew all this spouse+parent business would take so much work?! It’s fun though.
Comment by Quel — June 2, 2009 @ 7:00p
It’s so interesting that you post this. D and I are getting ready to start trying to conceive and we wonder about that “don’t talk about the kids” advice. It seems unnatural to us not to mention them at all. I can understand that conversation ebbs and flows, but to not even mention the kids seems odd.
Comment by Tasha — June 10, 2009 @ 11:04p