Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

My son and I were driving and came upon an overturned SUV. He was initially very excited to see the firetrucks and ambulances. He thought this was so “cool”. He talked my head off about how cool it was that the firemen were on the scene and again reminded me of how my husband had JUST taken him on an impromptu tour of the neighborhood firehouse after school. Finally, we settled into a nice quiet drive.

About 20 minutes later:

He says - “mommy, can we have a conversation?”
I say - “yes, what about?”
He says - “well, this is crazy stuff so I am crazy”
Me - “just tell me, I won’t think you are crazy”
Him - “you remember that car that was upside down?”
Me - “yes”
Him - “well I don’t know those people but I almost want to cry about them…that’s crazy right?”
Me - (as I get choked up) “No that’s not crazy, that’s pretty great! It means that Allah has put caring in your heart. That means that you care about other people and that you are so cool. That means that at 5 years old (he just turned 6) you have a huge heart. I am so proud that you want to cry for those people”
Him - “oh, ok”

The above makes me disregard his usual conversations. Like this one from yesterday:

Him - “Mom, if we had an accident will the ambulance come?”
Me - “yes, to make sure no one is hurt”
Him - “Will they take us to the hospital?”
Me - “yes”
Him - “what if I fell out the car on a stick and my private parts got chopped off?”
Me - (thinking…here we go again, I am so not in the mood for this right now)
Him - “mommeeeeee, I’m talking to you”
Me - Yes, J. If that happened they would take you to the hospital”
Him - “What about my peni.s?”
Me - ” The doctor will sew it back on”
Him - “That would hurt too much! I don’t want them sewing it back on”
Me - “ok”
Him - “They have that medicine that can put you to sleep and I won’t know they sewed it?”
Me - “yes”
Him - “How do they do that?”
Me - (getting annoyed b/c I’m TIRED and the commute is long and he talks THE WHOLE WAY HOME NON STOP) “I don’t know. I am not a doctor”
Him - “Can we go to the doctor school and ask them right now?
Me - “no”
Him - “That’s why I don’t know nothing cause you never take me anywhere”

For those of you who don’t know - and if you don’t have young children or relatives, you may not, Diego is the cousin of Dora the Ex.plorer. My son loves Diego. Last Sunday I took him to see Diego Live. There were a few things that I wanted to mention about that excursion. These live shows for children are very relaxed and audience participation is encouraged. Children are encouraged to sing along, jump up and down and also do a call-refrain with the cast when warranted. My son can be somewhat reserved. If we had been sitting in the front rows, he probably would have been very active. We had great seats in the lower balcony level. We were right center, front and a little raised from the stage. Anyway, he would always look around at the other kids before he would get up and dance or whatever. Here’s what disturbed me as I sat there watching other families: if your child does not want to participate, this is not a reason to chastise! I saw mothers getting angry at their little ones because they didn’t want to jump up and down hootin’ and hollerin’. Dude, you purchased the ticket for them to see the show. Chill out. I felt so bad for those kids. On the other hand, it was pretty annoying watching parents more into the show than their children. For real, when Diego asks “you” to jump up and say “Rescue Pack” or “roar like baby jaguar”…they are really speaking to YOUR CHILDREN! It was so embarrasing. The other thing…

Do not buy tickets in the nose-bleed section if you plan on bringing your big aunt Essie. There were at least 3 families who really made me cringe. When the usher would point in the direction UP the stairs where they were to sit, people got attitudes! One lady almost cussed out her relative and loudy said, “all these damn stairs!”. It was very painful watching certain people take 15 minutes to walk up a flight of stairs! Some were leaning so heavily on the thin bannister I thought it would break.

Oh, and I felt like I could guess which families got their taxes back by the amount of crap they purchased. Now don’t get me wrong - I definitely bought my son a tee-shirt and one of those annoying light things where you push a button and Diego would spin around inside the bulb…aside…I paid $15 for it and my toddler threw it across the room in anger when J tried to take it back. We were in the house 3 minutes and it broke! Anyway, there were people who purchased waaaaayyy too much stuff, including candy, soda, etc. I mean really. I was digging those prepared families who packed granola bars and juice boxes:)

Finally, on t.v. Diego is about 8. Now I understand that it may be difficult to get an 8 year-old performer. However, should the stage version of Diego look 35???? Dora even made an appearance and she looked about 35! My son was not feeling that LOL!.

My dilemma….the Backyardigans will be there in June…I like them….I may have to leave my son home and put on my dancing shoes!

I must really be in need of some adult interaction. Here’s why:

My husband and I work with my 5 year-old on activities (aside from reading) to help strengthen his vocabulary. One of the activities is a game where we’ll give him a letter and he has to say as many words (no proper names allowed) beginning with that letter. We try to give him more difficult letters. He usually says the words in increments of five. The other night he and I are played. I gave him the letter “D”. Here’s how it went down:

Son: My first word is ‘difficult’
Me: OK
Son: Duck
Me: that was easy but OK you got it
Son: delivery
Me: good word
Son: doo-dee
Me: that is not a real word
Son: yes it is
Me: J, I am telling you that it doesn’t count because it’s a fake work so please choose another.
Son: no I am not choosing another word! (he’s getting upset and yelled this statement)
Me: who are you rasing your voice at? I said it’s not a real word so if you don’t want to pick another one, this game is over!
Son: why isn’t it a real word?
Me: that’s just a word we say to mean a bowel movement
Son: I thought it meant to do your responsibility or job
Me: ooohhhhhhhh. You meant ‘DUTY’
Son: yeah, I know ‘doo-dee’ isn’t a real word. Are you proud of me because I knew that word and you’re a grown-up and didn’t?
Me: shut-up and go sit down somewhere! Nah, give me a hug. I am very proud of you…sorry about that.

True story…I need a friend who doesn’t wear diapers or require me to wipe their behind!

I am old-school in terms of what is exceptable ways for my son to talk to me or any other adults. I find that as I get older, the way I hear friend’s children speak to them or other adults very triflin’. For example, I have a friend with a teenager. When I call and and ask if my friend is home, this is what I get, “yeah, hold up a sec”. Ok, is it just me? What about, “yes, hold on please..or hold on a minute”. This child is very sweet and not disrespectful at all. I truly think it’s just how some kids are if parents don’t find it wrong. I am not judging my friend’s parenting skills b/c she’s great and has a wonderful relationship with her child. Now, I must admit, my 5 year-old is very guilty of the word-for-word exchanges and back talk. I am really trying to nip it in the bud now. He just feels the need to out talk and out explain me on most issues.

We’ve had a problem with him answering us by saying “what?”. I am not feeling this. So I always remind him to answer, “yes ma’am” or just “yes”…goodness, I’ll even accept “huh?” at this point. However, like I mentioned earlier, he tries to find loopholes in every lesson I attempt to teach him. So if I say, “J, you know what?”, or “J guess what?”, he answers, “what?”. When I tell him to say “yes”, he says, “well you said guess what so I have to say what back”.

This morning he was lollygagging in getting his shirt on. Instead of straight out threatening him with a flailing, I said, “J, you know what?”, he said, “what”. I say, “who are you talking to like that, you answer by saying yes”. He says, “well you said what to me first”. I say, “from now on whenever I call you, say yes regardless”.

Later on in the morning I call him. He answers, “yes regardless”. What am I supposed to do with that???

I feel melancholy and at the same time awed after talking to my 5 and 3/4 year old son this morning as I helped him get ready for school. I was sitting on his bed facing him as he stood before me. Before he begins any “discussion” with me, he now prefaces everything with “mom, can we have a conversation about something?”. This is usually when he wants to talk about something specific. I actually don’t even remember why or what prompted this mornings talk. Now that I think about it, I only remember one thing that really got me.

He was wiping his face with his washcloth and I reminded him to wipe the corners of his mouth. He said something like, “I can wipe the corners but not too much on the inside because….” He has a contrary point to most of my requests. Anway, he then says something about wanting to make sure he doesn’t wipe away the taste of the rainbows in his mouth. Keep in mind, he had not brushed his teeth yet. I asked him, “you can taste rainbows?”. He replies, “yeah, you don’t know what rainbows taste like?” he continues, “rainbows taste like a whole lot of different colors all in one and all in your mouth…it’s nice ok?”

I guess I am just going to have to take his word for it. I can’t remember ever knowing what a rainbow tastes like, and it makes me want to cry.

I am trying to come to grips with the realization that my 17 month old will not relinquish his bo-bo (or paci or binky) anytime in the foreseable future. I know it’s my fault. When I just had one baby…who’s now 5, it was easier. I was supermom. He was off the bo-bo at 13 months and the bottle. He stopped nursing only 2 months after I began the weaning process. I’ve heard the transistion from 1 child to 2 children is the hardest. I believe it. I’ve grown lazy….or at least less vigilant. I mean, I LOVE the fact that my son’s bo-bo buys me a little time…although some people try to make me feel guilty. I’m feeling the pinch now because…

He still sleeps in my bed. I’m ok with that for the most part because as a nursing mom it’s convenient. However, more than his big brother did, he still roots around and nurses while he sleeps and while I try to sleep. It’s really getting on my nerves. I am well aware that he isn’t hungry and it’s more of an emotional/habitual attachment. My thing is that the bo-bo helps some of this but not enough. He will be two next June insha’Allah (God-willing) and I didn’t think I would have to wean from the breast, bo-bo AND bed! OK…I will definitely have to strategize. My 1st task will be to set up a toddler bed next to mine and slowly start this process. I won’t wean from the bo-bo and breast at the same time…I don’t want to shock my baby. I tell ya! Don’t sleep on the power of the bo-bo…I’ve seen a lost bo-bo illicit tears…from the MOMMY!…ok IT WAS ME:) This is so not healthy. I do envy moms who say their baby just wouldn’t take it at all.

I am just looking forward to the day that I can take a nap and have my 2 sons play quietly together in their bedroom.

My son’s school called my home the other day. I was at work and they didn’t leave a message. I called back on the off-chance that someone would still be at the school. The office assistant told me that earlier that day, my son came into the office boo-hoo crying about how he misses his grandmother. At this point I’m thinking, “wow, I never knew he loved my mother in-law like that…he just saw her a few weeks ago.

He tells them that his grandmother died. Of course, because he is inconsolable, they think she just died recently. He tells them, “no, she died before I was bored…a long time ago”.

I asked if the class had been talking about family or death but the teacher said no. He just all of a sudden started crying. I felt so bad. He was referring to my mother who died when I was 16 so he never knew her.

When he and my husband came home, I gave him a hug and asked why he felt so sad as this was the 1st time he’d expressed anything but wonder about my mom. He said, “I don’t know what happened….I was in class and my brain told me about it”.

I am dealing with a situation that I am trying to be fair about. I am throwing my 5 year-old an ‘End of the Summer Jam”. We rented a moonbounce for the backyard, sno-cone machine and other amusements. We don’t celebrate birthdays so this is his opportunity to “party” with friends and eat ice cream/cake.

I invited around 16 kids who I know he has identified as his friends…including a few cousins. Now, I sent invitations addressed to the child from my son. I’ve had several phone calls/conversations about older and younger siblings not being invited. My aunt called to find out why I only put Cameron’s name on the invitation and not his older brother. I reminded her that Cameron is my son’s age and his brother is like 9. Of course he will come since they’ll travel a few hours for the party anyway. My sister was the only one who got the point. She is planning to hang out with my 9 year old nephew while the 6 year old comes to the party.

A few friends also asked the same thing. I reminded them that the invitation said mommies don’t have to stay…so if you want the 3 year old to come, you will have to stay. Also, I invited 17 and expect about 10. This was my “vision”. I don’t want toddlers being trampled on the moonbounce or big kids pushing my son and his PEERS around. The age range is 4-6.

Why are parents like that? Why should it be a package deal? Is it so hard to explain to your other kids that little Johnny may have friends independent of you? Am I being petty?

Saturday me and the kids were outside the house of my neighbor around the corner. She had taken my 5 year-old to the zoo and I stopped by to pick him up on my way back from running errands.

She has five wide steps leading up to her front door. Her daughter sat on the top step closest to the door (she’s 12). My neighbor and my 5 year-old sat on the middle step, and I was standing on the sidewalk holding the baby (he’s 13 months). OK…

All of a sudden we see this dog…looked like a cross between a pit bull and bull dog walking alone on the other side of the street but towards us. He then stepped in the middle of the street and began walking faster up the middle of the street. All of a sudden he started trotting towards the side of the street we were on. Once he hit the sidewalk at a trot towards us, I ran to my SUV and jumped in the passenger side front. My neighbor’s daughter was about to run in her house and my neighbor grabbed my son and started for the door. The dog ran past us as the owner called from 2 blocks away.

My neighbor was laughing and saying that I took the baby and left J to his own defenses. I did not. I explained that he was sitting next to her and they were closer to the front door of the house. I would have had to run holding the baby up 3 wide steps, run back down, and try to get us all in the car…we would’ve been mauled by then.

Later I thought about it. Was that wrong? Did that send a message to J that I would save myself and Y and leave him behind? He didn’t pay it any mind…apparently, but I’m the type that will now have to have a “heart 2 heart” with him this week over ice-cream to remind him how much I love him and would never leave him to the dingos…

I have mentioned before how I can’t read or see news stories involving violence or anything sad involving children. I sometimes think I’m weird because these stories truly stay with me for months and sometimes years. I cry and mourn and get depressed for days. Not only that, I can’t seem to stop visualizing these incidents that are relayed in the media so graphically. It’s really a mess. Well anyway, yesterday as I drove home, I started thinking about my children.

I guessed the reason I get so upset by news stories is that I have children and can’t bare the thought of anything happening to them. HOWEVER, even more distressing than that, is the thought that something will happen to me before they reach the age of maturity…like 40!!

My mother died when I was a few weeks away from turning 17. I feel like the ground work had already been laid for how I was going to live my life. I have memories of our relationship and lessons I learned from her. I feel sorry for my younger sisters. The youngest was 9 when she died and I can truly see how it has affected her life and she’s 26 now. Back to my boys…

They are 5 and 11 months. Most of you know I keep a journal of letters to both of my sons so they can have insight of me the person and me the mom. I was talking to my husband last night about the fact that these children may be the greatest and best accomplishment of my life. The conversation started when he complimented me on always reading bedtime stories and taking such care in my bedtime routine. We discussed the fact that he couldn’t remember ever having a bedtime story read to him or even remembering his mom giving him a bath and lotioning him up. I told him that I do these things because I know that life is fragile and for as long as I can, I want to create memories that my children will have of me…for as long as I’m alive.

My stream of consciousness is so haywire…..I know most parents have these thoughts but I’m 35 and my mother died at 37 so I guess I’m going through an early mid-death life crisis.