Safa means tranquil, serene, calm…I try

I am so peeved. My son’s school is having their annual end-of-school function. Although he is not graduating, his 2nd grade class is doing some play and insha’Allah my son will receive recognition for winning a Quran competition. Anyway, they sent home a note Tuesday letting us know that the function is this Friday between 5-8pm. Now…I will not even get into the fact that for a school of less than 200 kids, 3 hours is waaay too long on Friday. Masha’Allah, it’s for the kids and they really work hard for these things. However, there was a request directive, that “in order to keep the event serious and calm, no kids under 6 should come if they are not students of the school”…huh? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the sentiment behind the request, but huh? Of course I’m acting indign’t because I have a 3 year-old who will be there. I mean really! You’re a school for goodness sakes. Just make an announcement for parents to walk out for a bit if your kids gets too loud.

I went to public schools growing up and if you did as well you know that school functions can be trflin’ when parents bring loud screaming babies. Those w/ sense will usually walk out. I am just shocked that a principal will tell parents to leave younger kids home. I don’t know, like I said, I have a dime in this quarter so maybe I’m just taking this too personally.

The last time hubby and I had a date night, it was at p.fc.hangs. We challenged one another to see who could go the longest without bringing up our children. I believe I was able to go longer. If you read articles or books about how to add spice to your relationship by these pop psychologists and relationship “experts”, they will all say

have a date night and don’t mention or discuss your children…reconnect with each other…

I can definitely understand the sentiment behind statements like that. I was the loudest sistah in among my friends saying, “we were a couple BEFORE the kids”, and “insha’Allah we will be old, crusty, and alone when they leave us to start their own lives”!!

I’ve since had a change of view. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel it’s important to have a fulfilling relationship with your spouse and continue to learn about/from each other and grow together. However, I don’t think it’s ok to leave the kids at the door…even when you are on a “date”. I mean if your conversation naturally flows away from the topic of kids, fine. I just think we shouldn’t pressure ourselves to omit our children by thinking this will be what ignites our passions. Our children are a significant part of our lives and most of our movement and decisions are related to the children.

Think about it, if you are a parent, do talking about your kids to your bffs affect your friendship? I guess sometimes it may if the other person is not a parent or if you go on and on. But you see what I’m saying.

If you are trying to recapture a natural affection for your loved one, find commom ground…just like you did when you first met. After children enter your lives, THEY are your common ground…it’s unnatural to act otherwise.

My 6-year told me I should have a 3rd child so someone else can scratch my back for a change! I am about to put him O-U-T!!!

I mean, who does this kid think he is? After the miracle of childbirth and that whole unconditional love thing, doesn’t he know that resident back scratcher, remote finder, and cup reacher are THE #1 reasons that he even lives with me????

I need to take him out of that fancy private school….what ideas they must be putting in his head.

My 6 year-old spent the weekend with a friend of mine and her family. He is friends with her son. My son rarely spends the night out unless it’s with my sister. I am always nervous to find out what family laundry my son aired while away from the nest.

J is a talker, a ponderer and an all around cool kid to be around. People love spending time with him cause you never know what will come out of his mouth. Here’s a snapshot of what my friend said was imparted by the wise sage:

- (while getting in her car) “Wow, usually when I go in other people’s car it’s sparkling!”

- (when we arrived on Friday, they met us at the car…we are all walking to the house) ” Do y’all have the internet so we won’t be bored? My cousins spent the night yesterdayand their internet is broke so they hogged mine”.

She said he just talks about everything…I’m not suprised.

Her father recently passed away (inna lilahi wa inna alaye rajioon) and he lived with her family. My son knew him as he was a teacher at is school last year. At 6, this is the 1st time he has experienced the death of someone he knew. We will have to talk about it soon. He is preoccupied with him. For instance, this morning as I was brushing his hair, he says, “Mommy, Dawud had a brush”. To myself I’m thinking, and? but I say, “oh yeah?”. He replies, “yeah, it was 2-sided, we saw it in his room. We played in his room but we weren’t allowed to sleep in there”.

Anyway my son was cool. He was respectful and had a great time away from home this weekend….not more than me what are you gonna do? LOL

Not only are they still available…and not just in the vintage and collector circuits either. Why did my 6 year-old ask me to buy him these yesterday?

I was taken aback. I remember having these as a kid but I’m 36!! He even was able to articulate that the sugar inside was like the smoke from a grown-up cig. I asked where he saw these and he said the little girl who lives down the street. The girl is around 8 and is being raised by her grandmother in a house with 4 other kids she has custody of.

Who would buy these for their children in this day and age? I of course told him no and “tried” to explain my reason. Of course to a 6 year-old, he could not understand why I didn’t understand his rationale that “mom, I hear what you’re saying but like I keep saying, it.is.not.a.real.cigarette.ok?”

Thoughts???

My son and I were driving and came upon an overturned SUV. He was initially very excited to see the firetrucks and ambulances. He thought this was so “cool”. He talked my head off about how cool it was that the firemen were on the scene and again reminded me of how my husband had JUST taken him on an impromptu tour of the neighborhood firehouse after school. Finally, we settled into a nice quiet drive.

About 20 minutes later:

He says - “mommy, can we have a conversation?”
I say - “yes, what about?”
He says - “well, this is crazy stuff so I am crazy”
Me - “just tell me, I won’t think you are crazy”
Him - “you remember that car that was upside down?”
Me - “yes”
Him - “well I don’t know those people but I almost want to cry about them…that’s crazy right?”
Me - (as I get choked up) “No that’s not crazy, that’s pretty great! It means that Allah has put caring in your heart. That means that you care about other people and that you are so cool. That means that at 5 years old (he just turned 6) you have a huge heart. I am so proud that you want to cry for those people”
Him - “oh, ok”

The above makes me disregard his usual conversations. Like this one from yesterday:

Him - “Mom, if we had an accident will the ambulance come?”
Me - “yes, to make sure no one is hurt”
Him - “Will they take us to the hospital?”
Me - “yes”
Him - “what if I fell out the car on a stick and my private parts got chopped off?”
Me - (thinking…here we go again, I am so not in the mood for this right now)
Him - “mommeeeeee, I’m talking to you”
Me - Yes, J. If that happened they would take you to the hospital”
Him - “What about my peni.s?”
Me - ” The doctor will sew it back on”
Him - “That would hurt too much! I don’t want them sewing it back on”
Me - “ok”
Him - “They have that medicine that can put you to sleep and I won’t know they sewed it?”
Me - “yes”
Him - “How do they do that?”
Me - (getting annoyed b/c I’m TIRED and the commute is long and he talks THE WHOLE WAY HOME NON STOP) “I don’t know. I am not a doctor”
Him - “Can we go to the doctor school and ask them right now?
Me - “no”
Him - “That’s why I don’t know nothing cause you never take me anywhere”

For those of you who don’t know - and if you don’t have young children or relatives, you may not, Diego is the cousin of Dora the Ex.plorer. My son loves Diego. Last Sunday I took him to see Diego Live. There were a few things that I wanted to mention about that excursion. These live shows for children are very relaxed and audience participation is encouraged. Children are encouraged to sing along, jump up and down and also do a call-refrain with the cast when warranted. My son can be somewhat reserved. If we had been sitting in the front rows, he probably would have been very active. We had great seats in the lower balcony level. We were right center, front and a little raised from the stage. Anyway, he would always look around at the other kids before he would get up and dance or whatever. Here’s what disturbed me as I sat there watching other families: if your child does not want to participate, this is not a reason to chastise! I saw mothers getting angry at their little ones because they didn’t want to jump up and down hootin’ and hollerin’. Dude, you purchased the ticket for them to see the show. Chill out. I felt so bad for those kids. On the other hand, it was pretty annoying watching parents more into the show than their children. For real, when Diego asks “you” to jump up and say “Rescue Pack” or “roar like baby jaguar”…they are really speaking to YOUR CHILDREN! It was so embarrasing. The other thing…

Do not buy tickets in the nose-bleed section if you plan on bringing your big aunt Essie. There were at least 3 families who really made me cringe. When the usher would point in the direction UP the stairs where they were to sit, people got attitudes! One lady almost cussed out her relative and loudy said, “all these damn stairs!”. It was very painful watching certain people take 15 minutes to walk up a flight of stairs! Some were leaning so heavily on the thin bannister I thought it would break.

Oh, and I felt like I could guess which families got their taxes back by the amount of crap they purchased. Now don’t get me wrong - I definitely bought my son a tee-shirt and one of those annoying light things where you push a button and Diego would spin around inside the bulb…aside…I paid $15 for it and my toddler threw it across the room in anger when J tried to take it back. We were in the house 3 minutes and it broke! Anyway, there were people who purchased waaaaayyy too much stuff, including candy, soda, etc. I mean really. I was digging those prepared families who packed granola bars and juice boxes:)

Finally, on t.v. Diego is about 8. Now I understand that it may be difficult to get an 8 year-old performer. However, should the stage version of Diego look 35???? Dora even made an appearance and she looked about 35! My son was not feeling that LOL!.

My dilemma….the Backyardigans will be there in June…I like them….I may have to leave my son home and put on my dancing shoes!

I must really be in need of some adult interaction. Here’s why:

My husband and I work with my 5 year-old on activities (aside from reading) to help strengthen his vocabulary. One of the activities is a game where we’ll give him a letter and he has to say as many words (no proper names allowed) beginning with that letter. We try to give him more difficult letters. He usually says the words in increments of five. The other night he and I are played. I gave him the letter “D”. Here’s how it went down:

Son: My first word is ‘difficult’
Me: OK
Son: Duck
Me: that was easy but OK you got it
Son: delivery
Me: good word
Son: doo-dee
Me: that is not a real word
Son: yes it is
Me: J, I am telling you that it doesn’t count because it’s a fake work so please choose another.
Son: no I am not choosing another word! (he’s getting upset and yelled this statement)
Me: who are you rasing your voice at? I said it’s not a real word so if you don’t want to pick another one, this game is over!
Son: why isn’t it a real word?
Me: that’s just a word we say to mean a bowel movement
Son: I thought it meant to do your responsibility or job
Me: ooohhhhhhhh. You meant ‘DUTY’
Son: yeah, I know ‘doo-dee’ isn’t a real word. Are you proud of me because I knew that word and you’re a grown-up and didn’t?
Me: shut-up and go sit down somewhere! Nah, give me a hug. I am very proud of you…sorry about that.

True story…I need a friend who doesn’t wear diapers or require me to wipe their behind!

I am old-school in terms of what is exceptable ways for my son to talk to me or any other adults. I find that as I get older, the way I hear friend’s children speak to them or other adults very triflin’. For example, I have a friend with a teenager. When I call and and ask if my friend is home, this is what I get, “yeah, hold up a sec”. Ok, is it just me? What about, “yes, hold on please..or hold on a minute”. This child is very sweet and not disrespectful at all. I truly think it’s just how some kids are if parents don’t find it wrong. I am not judging my friend’s parenting skills b/c she’s great and has a wonderful relationship with her child. Now, I must admit, my 5 year-old is very guilty of the word-for-word exchanges and back talk. I am really trying to nip it in the bud now. He just feels the need to out talk and out explain me on most issues.

We’ve had a problem with him answering us by saying “what?”. I am not feeling this. So I always remind him to answer, “yes ma’am” or just “yes”…goodness, I’ll even accept “huh?” at this point. However, like I mentioned earlier, he tries to find loopholes in every lesson I attempt to teach him. So if I say, “J, you know what?”, or “J guess what?”, he answers, “what?”. When I tell him to say “yes”, he says, “well you said guess what so I have to say what back”.

This morning he was lollygagging in getting his shirt on. Instead of straight out threatening him with a flailing, I said, “J, you know what?”, he said, “what”. I say, “who are you talking to like that, you answer by saying yes”. He says, “well you said what to me first”. I say, “from now on whenever I call you, say yes regardless”.

Later on in the morning I call him. He answers, “yes regardless”. What am I supposed to do with that???

I feel melancholy and at the same time awed after talking to my 5 and 3/4 year old son this morning as I helped him get ready for school. I was sitting on his bed facing him as he stood before me. Before he begins any “discussion” with me, he now prefaces everything with “mom, can we have a conversation about something?”. This is usually when he wants to talk about something specific. I actually don’t even remember why or what prompted this mornings talk. Now that I think about it, I only remember one thing that really got me.

He was wiping his face with his washcloth and I reminded him to wipe the corners of his mouth. He said something like, “I can wipe the corners but not too much on the inside because….” He has a contrary point to most of my requests. Anway, he then says something about wanting to make sure he doesn’t wipe away the taste of the rainbows in his mouth. Keep in mind, he had not brushed his teeth yet. I asked him, “you can taste rainbows?”. He replies, “yeah, you don’t know what rainbows taste like?” he continues, “rainbows taste like a whole lot of different colors all in one and all in your mouth…it’s nice ok?”

I guess I am just going to have to take his word for it. I can’t remember ever knowing what a rainbow tastes like, and it makes me want to cry.